Adulting

I remember the day I propositioned you, and I believe that day has come as I ponder the empty nest in which I attempt to settle into, and it’s strange when little people wish to assert themselves in the world, and leave you to ponder the rest of your life.      
     
It’s exhilarating yet haunting & frightening all at the same time.      
     
The constancy that comes with juggling a daily routine in the workplace with piles of laundry, baking & cooking, cleaning little handprints that end up all over the stainless steel appliances and the marble bench tops is something that I wasn’t prepared to miss.      
     
Evidently, I miss my children and even though my fur baby boys keep me company, it’s just not the same. I spend my weekends on the lounge clearing emails that really should wait until Monday whilst bingeing on Netflix, coffee and gourmet ice-cream that’s not so gourmet without the chocolate ice magic topping.      
     
I have done my duty, and the heart breaks from minor hairline fractures, that comes with absence. Life is good but it’d be even better if we chased those dreams, and held them as close as we’ve done so for this long.      
     
A face can change in a decade or more so don’t flash that smile in which you captured me with over a decade ago, or maybe two, and twenty years would make you beyond reach in a place and time we could’ve made different choices.    
     
I feel like I’m in a holding pattern, trying to ascertain what next, do I find you and do we satisfy the unprecedented curiosity that comes with the longevity of longing, or do we go about our lives without any intention & purpose, to share more than just our words.      
     
Noting, all you have is your word, and you gave me that much, so what’s next ?!      
     
I’m not too sure I’m capable of adulting, and in spite of the darkness that hovers around you in the remnants of those still bound to you, we still know how to graciously blossom in the face of such adversity.