Why am i?

Why am I?




Why am I like this today
 We all have choices n chose the wrong pathway
 Thinking I am ME and I can play
 But unlike others I can then just walkway
 Although I didn't know it had got me straight away
 Then I saw myself waste away
 So from my family and friends I kept away
 But on a visit to my mums one day
 I remember my mother tearing up telling me you wont see your 30th birthday
 Even your aunty carol went to church and for you she prayed
 After my cousin saw selling myself, to her dismay
 The only thing i'd sell to make quick pay
 I went to the car to see if A man wanted A lay
 Out got my cousin in tears asking if I was okay
 Yes I said but she said what do you need tonight to go home from this red light roadway
 I lied n said 20 though 50 I needed she said take this 20 and get yourself off home away
 And to that I did obey
 I felt terrible for her to see that me way
 But I needed my mental block so I was back out the very next day
 Always hoping for punter to give good a pay
 When they did I went one way
 To my dealer happyday
 But then having to do it everyday
 Your stood there longer freezing in a doorway
 Because after a while your not the new girl who gets picked up straight away
 Desperate and looking grey
 Some of them punters would use it to get their own way
 Offer you a tenna i'd say fuckoff no way
 He say its all ive got n i got blow for tenna off faye(the other day)
"SO FUCK OFF", GO find fay n have your way
 You'll catch and dose you'll rue the day
 When your wife cuts your cock off for going astray
 And not practising safe play
 It goes another after another all wanting to underpay
 But in desperation each girl/whore has her price my minimum was 20 they got 10 minuets then i'd walkway
 So they'd go to the £10 girls. so longer and longer in that doorway i'd stay
 It was just aside the railway
 I started to think of A better way
 To stop my addiction and my mental pain
 The doorway or the railway
 I didn't have courage for the second way
 The heroin and crack smoke no longer me sending up and away
 Needles was another way which I had always stayed away
 The house I went into smoke had no foil so I said OK
 I couldn't do it myself so I had to look away while I wanted to runaway
 Pipes and chasing the dragon I abandoned that day
 There was better stronger faster much more long-lasting way
 I stuck with that everyday even when having trouble finding a vein
 Quickly I started to decay
 I bear these physical scars to this very day
 My legs so scarred I can't wear a short dress n have everyone drooling my way
 It's the scars that people cant see is my pain
 And its all my own fault only my self blame
 Still I have to block out my shame my pain my name
 I am not me who started this rhyme
 Done to me has been such crimes
 To tell at another time
 So why am I who I am today I've made mistakes but learned
 And slowly but surly ive come away from that life that I've earnt
 I can only control me my decisions
 My reactions
 When my best friend/ mum died
 There are those that know themselves they lied
 But I vowed to be honest and do things right
 No matter how they tret me I kept MY word
 The more I did they acted more absurd
 But when living in their spite
 In their spite I felt delight
 cos to this very day ive been and done right
 I felt hurt, anger, shock and betrayal for quite a time
 Now I feel pity, and wish them well and to see the light
 It's then you know you need not fight you just be honest and do right
 Then no matter what happens you'll be alright,








Written By Bianka Morris