The knowing

 
I don’t want to love you anymore
I don’t want to want you
It’s the ever growing struggle
It’s the knowing
Knowing that this probably isn’t it
Knowing I deserve more

I deserve someone willing to sacrifice
Everything I’ve sacrificed
I deserve someone willing to do
Everything I’ve done
I deserve to be loved
As I have loved

So why
Why can’t I stop loving you

You’re the match and I’m the gasoline
And baby when you strike me
You leave nothing left

Let me stop loving you
Before I let you burn me into dust

I can’t breathe
At the thought of you leaving
But I can’t cope
With the thought of me staying

And no matter how deep I go
Drowning me just to forget you
You’re always there
Quick to cruelty
Quick to anger
Ready to tell me all the ways in which I’m inferior

I’m killing myself
To compensate for you
Saving you the trouble
I don’t know how you don’t see

No you’re not my therapist
you were supposed to be my partner
If not you
Who the fuck was I supposed to turn to
Oh how you cheapen the trust I placed in you
Oh how I cheapen myself by staying with you