Complex Relations

Poem sounds a good way to address to someone who is intransigently stuck in ways that are unhelpful in this day and age, such as a much older parent or spouse who shows no empathy for what today's generation lives under - (although there are some older values that seem to have been too readily thrown overboard)..

Thank you for your comment, apologies for taking so long to respond. Yes, an older parent and a more modern minded "child" can conflict but it's also about fixed minded people in general.
Anyway, I wrote it to release the frustration building up inside, and I find myself feeling that way again today but due to someone else. I can't seem to write much poetry these days :-(

Noting your author's note, I have reread and feel it scans as well as rhymes compactly, so I see no need for alteration.

Thank you. When there's such a cocktail of things going on in your mind and your life, it's hard to focus and improve one area.

Excellent

Thank you

your coctail of words
goes down well

Thank you, I appreciate the read and the comment. :-)

Good read. Good scan!

Thank you 👍😊

Love your opening two lines. The rest of the read is pretty good too! You do pose a very interesting question. I would also have struggled to free myself from a particular mindset, i.e. institutionalism.

Thank you. All relationships are complicated, but some you can break free from while others you're bound to too deeply. I have hope there will be some release one day.

Hi, Too_hot. 💐

I read your poem – very nice – and then I read your Author's Note. What I would suggest, if you're still unhappy with certain aspects of the poem, is that you try to make the rhythm regular over the five verses of the poem. As it stands, there's quite a difference between the first and second verses, for example. If you were to excise a few words, compress a few others and rejig the order of the words in what I suspect are the lines you're unhappy about, I feel sure you could arrive at a solution to your problems.  

(I had a hack and a slash at it myself, just for fun, and because I liked the poem, but I shan't post it here🙃.)

All the best. 💐

Thank you for the read and the detailed comment. I really appreciate it.
I understand what you mean, but I won't edit it now.
I write to release and what I felt then has passed, so I feel as though if I tried to edit it now, it would lose the emotion attached.
But I will the rhythm in mind for future poems, thanks.
You can send me your version in a PM if you like. But only if you want to share it, otherwise don't worry.

Just for the hell of it, Too_hot, I'm going to take issue with you in a general way on this emotion/editing thing. I've heard a few people say it over the years, and I don't understand it at all. Surely one of the reasons we edit is to allow the poem to give the fullest expression of the emotion contained within it? To put it another way, we edit the words to enhance the emotion, not detract from it, in the same way as a sculptor will rough out the shape of the head and face from the block of marble before smoothing and polishing the fine details of the eyes, lips, and nose, to permit their fullest expression. I'm not being snarky or anything here, I'm just genuinely baffled.

However, I do understand that you write to release, so no doubt the poem, whatever its form, has served its purpose. Your Author's note was the reason for my initial response.

I shall now zip it and depart. 🙃

All the best,
ajay 💐

I get your perspective and I may feel the same if it weren't this poem or my own work. But I think, because I'm only just getting back in to writing after several years off, I'm more interested in producing something rather than improving something.
I appreciate your comments, thanks.

I like your poems.👍 My best wishes for your future writing. 💐💐