father no. 1

first of all
fuck you for fathering me
in the first place
I haven't been the same since
and secondly
I wish you had taken your due
in your satchel
and not in your own hands
to save some for later
and lastly,
I will always wonder
if life did this to you
or vice versa
so i know what to expect
while all this smoke
filters through
my own spread fingers