lighthouse

she’s my lighthouse  
or at least    
she was.    
   
during storms,    
she guided me  
and guarded me -  
lit up my way out  
out of the trouble  
or inner turmoil  
and grounded me.    
   
when the sun shone,    
i made sure to tell her  
how much i enjoyed her presence  
and the freedom  
she gave me -  
i did not need her light,  
in order to survive  
but i adored it  
in every color.    
   
today,    
she refuses to light up my way  
to shine  
so i can see    
or even look at me.    
we became distant  
but during storms,  
i long for her light  
and come back to her voice    
from last summer.    
   
i can’t handle it  
i long for her light    
and bright colors -  
i break  
and the light breaks too  
in her eyes that are    
as deep and as blue    
as the ocean.    
   
where are you now, my guardian?