Hope

#1
 
Hope.  
 
According to Wikipedia:  
 
“an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large”  
 
Get yours today.  
 
Hope is on special this week  
at the supermarket  
$2.99 a kilo  
next to the broccoli on aisle four  
opposite the donor kidneys  
across from the bedpans  
And behind the XXL incontinence pads  
 
Hope never runs out.  
It’s always in stock from what I’m told  
Sometimes hope is in abundance  
And sometimes there is only one box left on the shelf  
It’s true
I really believe it
 
There are eight shiny new dialysis machines  
on aisle six  
available if you are one of the fortunates  
meaning you have health insurance  
And if you don’t  
Then you can only use them  
on a Thursday night from 10pm -2am  
But only if you bring your own filter  
and work the machine yourself  
and clean it afterwards  
And you’ll have to accept  
that your blood wont be as clean as one of the fortunates  
You’ll die sooner  
 
I’m here in this room  
because my kidneys have died  
Yours have too  
We lie next to each other on a Tuesday  
That’s our regular slot  
We nod to each other on arrival  
But mostly we just lie  
quietly  
separately  
eyes closed  
waiting for the end  
 
And this pesky loathsome blood cleaning machine  
Is the only thing that comes between me  
and my maker  
He’s sitting on the end of my bed  
Staring blithely at me  
A repugnant and odious look on his face  
Watching the blood circulate through the machine  
Then looking me square in the eyes  
To check my reaction  
 
She offered me her kidney but I said no  
I’d rather take a strangers kidney  
No need to compromise my own flesh and blood  
There’s a roaring black market kidney trade  
A brand spanking fresh new kidney  
for the mere price of one hundred K  
The donor could feed and house his family for that  
I think it’s a total bargain both ways  
 
I might die you know  
It might be tomorrow  
It might be next month  
Next year  
Who knows when  
But  
I’d like to think that when I die  
I’ll die trying