TWO RUCKSACKS

I am trippin over myself. I’m backed into
a corner not by myself with all these feelings
and no matter how hard I try I can’t just
skip over them . I’m losing and gaining a
part of myself . I’m going crazy trying to
stop myself and go at the same time  . If
I hadn’t been hijacked by fear many moons
ago I would be moving by now . I’m kinda
carrying two ruck sacks on my back and it’s
always the past one that grabs me by the
throat it’s the pain and hurt that screams
It’s a stop sign . Don’t move and I wait
while I shake waiting on the green light .
Stupid thing is I’m half praying it doesn’t
Show as I have no idea where to go on my
Own . I’m always controlled . That’s a hell
Of a curve ball for when did I once notice
My other ruck sack it’s empty and easy to
Carry and it doesn’t dig into my shoulder
blades it’s waiting on me to fill it up with
trust and love once done I can walk lighter
Into my future and leave the other in a trash
can where it can wait by itself. It’s green .
The colour of freedom a landscape of valleys
I have yet to touch with my fingertips or
visualised for a very long time . Until now .