deepundergroundpoetry.com
Just The Edges
I thought I heard you say
I love you.
Startled me, like a minor car crash.
Enough to alter time, for a long moment.
Changing the parameters
of this evening.
I'm pretty sure I heard you.
So my sticks and stones alerted,
to build up the guard around me.
I thought we had agreed
that word was off limits.
Maybe we hadn't made a pact
not to say it.
But that night, months ago
when we were trading rules,
it was one of them brought up.
Heads nodded, and we got past it,
to the next agreement of
no getting each other's name
tattooed anywhere on our bodies.
Maybe I misunderstood you,
I'm sure I did.
God forbid, it's love.
That would center things
and make everything thoughtful.
Didn't we agree, to stay,
to just the edges.
The way birthdays
are kept to a texted candle.
It wouldn't be you to break
our vow of no vows, anyway.
It's you with the limitations.
Of time. Of no making too much
of a mess with you.
Seeing how you have to get back to him.
Returning looking bored, tired,
from just another evening spent
at your sister's.
Because she's sick again, and
needed help with the kids.
One of these nights, she won't agree.
You'll piss her off, over something
not very important.
So she'll say that she can't lie,
for you and your piece of ass anymore.
She'll time it, to the last minute.
And I will get that text.
The hey babe, can't make it.
As I go change my shirt,
to a less frustrated one.
But I won't complain,
seeing how at least
I cleaned my house.
And I won't count my drinks.
I will miss you less, with each one.
You will be just a curse word
under my breath.
You had said it, this evening.
A hollowed out version
of I love you.
But you didn't say it to me.
It was to him, while you
told him you'd see him
in just a bit.
Right after you promised
that you were heading home soon.
While I wrote goodbye
with my finger, upon your back.
I ended it with a period,
using that mole by your spine.
While you held the phone propped up
with your shoulder, as you
slid a leg into your jeans.
While I stared at the ceiling fan,
as it shredded this evening for me.
~
When I write about you,
I usually stick to the good traits.
It reads well, all the way, to the end.
Ones like this, I throw away.
I need no reminders, of
how I never fall asleep
with my mistakes.
I wonder if he noticed, yet,
months now, those earrings,
that I had given you.
How they compliment your eyes.
Even though you're usually
looking down, around him.
While I'm looking up.
The ceiling fan has dirty blades;
It catches so much of us.
So I wipe it down,
every time you go.
Of course I don't love you, either.
Because everything I ever love,
goes away.
~~~
Published 26th Mar 2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 15
reading list entries 5
comments 24
reads 542
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26th Mar 2023 2:53pm
The haptics of writing goodbye with a touch hurts my heart from a place I remember in my own life, and the close of the poem as well.
Your writing has rare presence, the voice has a calm cadence and the details hold intimacy. There's something so engaging and relatable about the epistle style, like a message in a bottle, it holds both wild hope and despair, I think. True humanity is a living paradox.
I appreciate when I can make a real connection with the writing.
Your writing has rare presence, the voice has a calm cadence and the details hold intimacy. There's something so engaging and relatable about the epistle style, like a message in a bottle, it holds both wild hope and despair, I think. True humanity is a living paradox.
I appreciate when I can make a real connection with the writing.
26th Mar 2023 3:07pm
I think, unfortunately, I thrive on contained chaos. I bottle it up, to sip from later.
Thank you , Daniel. And for the excellent suggestion you sent. Well worth the read.
Thank you , Daniel. And for the excellent suggestion you sent. Well worth the read.
26th Mar 2023 3:28pm
I haven't read it through, just on the 1st stanza and you've already got me wanting to know more.
Then the 2nd stanza.. wow.
Frustrate shirt, not counting the drinks, ceiling fan shredding, I love these lines.
I love the way you ended this poem.
LJ
Then the 2nd stanza.. wow.
Frustrate shirt, not counting the drinks, ceiling fan shredding, I love these lines.
I love the way you ended this poem.
LJ
26th Mar 2023 4:54pm
How are you, LJ?
I'm thinking about changing the ending, a little. Maybe. I wrote this down late last night, and haven't hacked at it any, yet. It carries the message well enough. But, the ideas sometimes keep going.
Thank you for your cool view. I appreciate your view a lot.
I'm thinking about changing the ending, a little. Maybe. I wrote this down late last night, and haven't hacked at it any, yet. It carries the message well enough. But, the ideas sometimes keep going.
Thank you for your cool view. I appreciate your view a lot.
Daaaayum... Mark.
I'm going to be reading this one again.
and probably again...
I feel like I'm still processing all that I'm feeling, so I undoubtedly see myself editing my comments after it all sinks in.... Until then —
This is bruising; yanking hard upon my psyche with this raw humanity of an imperfect but perfectly understandable harsh reality. My own ache catches my breath and I stagger at the power of your written conveyance of such a consumable connection, where the recognition of the choices we make or can't help but not making have obviously evolved all on their own, despite the non-vow, vows or any rules that were promised. I almost break under all that's left unspoken hanging in the air.... and the swirling loss that quietly infiltrates.
The ceiling fan/dust metaphor is fucking breath-taking...Those words- YOUR words are still ringing in my head....
"While I'm looking up.
The ceiling fan has dirty blades;
It catches so much of us.
So I wipe it down,
every time you go."
and most likely will be, for quite some time... the sign of epic storytelling.
Your deep soulfulness and wonderful heart makes me want to hug it (you) all better.
Get these poems in a book, already!!! Then, only I will be able to see how dog-eared my copy would become from constant reading!
Thank you for ending up being the best (and my most favorite) surprise on DUP.... and for continually uping that feeling .. well, it's just amazing to witness.
Phenomenal job.
-`ღ´-
(Grrrrr... I loathe this new site change... just consider this absolutely RL'd.)
I'm going to be reading this one again.
and probably again...
I feel like I'm still processing all that I'm feeling, so I undoubtedly see myself editing my comments after it all sinks in.... Until then —
This is bruising; yanking hard upon my psyche with this raw humanity of an imperfect but perfectly understandable harsh reality. My own ache catches my breath and I stagger at the power of your written conveyance of such a consumable connection, where the recognition of the choices we make or can't help but not making have obviously evolved all on their own, despite the non-vow, vows or any rules that were promised. I almost break under all that's left unspoken hanging in the air.... and the swirling loss that quietly infiltrates.
The ceiling fan/dust metaphor is fucking breath-taking...Those words- YOUR words are still ringing in my head....
"While I'm looking up.
The ceiling fan has dirty blades;
It catches so much of us.
So I wipe it down,
every time you go."
and most likely will be, for quite some time... the sign of epic storytelling.
Your deep soulfulness and wonderful heart makes me want to hug it (you) all better.
Get these poems in a book, already!!! Then, only I will be able to see how dog-eared my copy would become from constant reading!
Thank you for ending up being the best (and my most favorite) surprise on DUP.... and for continually uping that feeling .. well, it's just amazing to witness.
Phenomenal job.
-`ღ´-
(Grrrrr... I loathe this new site change... just consider this absolutely RL'd.)
26th Mar 2023 5:10pm
Hey neighbor.
(I think RLs are given out now based on how much we "like" and comment)
Yes, I noticed your usage of "hanging" and "swirling" in your describing the ceiling fan portion . So clever so early in the day!
My using the aspect of wiping down the blades, afterwards, it replaces the thought of how we might "wipe down" ourselves after an excursion with someone, before leaving. Yeah?
My excuse for not pushing myself towards a more "book" result is because I'm cheap. LOL. I have an older laptop computer (and this tablet isn't young anymore either), and it doesn't want to format properly, or I'm just ignorant (probably). I don't even use it. And I am horribly lacking in computer skills as it is.
But I have to get going sometime! I need to be grounded or something. Lol.
In the meantime, you help keep me looking in that direction. The right direction. And I thank you most sincerely.
(I think RLs are given out now based on how much we "like" and comment)
Yes, I noticed your usage of "hanging" and "swirling" in your describing the ceiling fan portion . So clever so early in the day!
My using the aspect of wiping down the blades, afterwards, it replaces the thought of how we might "wipe down" ourselves after an excursion with someone, before leaving. Yeah?
My excuse for not pushing myself towards a more "book" result is because I'm cheap. LOL. I have an older laptop computer (and this tablet isn't young anymore either), and it doesn't want to format properly, or I'm just ignorant (probably). I don't even use it. And I am horribly lacking in computer skills as it is.
But I have to get going sometime! I need to be grounded or something. Lol.
In the meantime, you help keep me looking in that direction. The right direction. And I thank you most sincerely.
Anonymous
- Edited 29th May 2023 7:45am
26th Mar 2023 5:31pm
<< post removed >>
26th Mar 2023 5:54pm
Thank you for not saying unicorns! Lol. I had hoped I've killed them all.
Because, choices. One horn in the way, or wings. Unicorns were dumb as hell.
Rianne, I'm a creative writer. Truths and illusions blend, into something worth tolerating.
Maybe even worth reading. Writing is both an intoxicant and an elixir, to us all. It's how we cope.
This write has nothing to do with morality. It's neither a confession or a judgement line, to test anyone. It's a depiction of how things can be, in a less than ideal situation.
Creative writers depict things. Yes?
Thanks for the blessings! I can always use them!
Because, choices. One horn in the way, or wings. Unicorns were dumb as hell.
Rianne, I'm a creative writer. Truths and illusions blend, into something worth tolerating.
Maybe even worth reading. Writing is both an intoxicant and an elixir, to us all. It's how we cope.
This write has nothing to do with morality. It's neither a confession or a judgement line, to test anyone. It's a depiction of how things can be, in a less than ideal situation.
Creative writers depict things. Yes?
Thanks for the blessings! I can always use them!
26th Mar 2023 5:40pm
26th Mar 2023 6:11pm
Oh Mr PS, dear sir , how much can you actually stomach? LOL.
I can go brutal, I just don't see a positive in it.
Life is best lived in some light.
Your BL is pretty damn big!
I can go brutal, I just don't see a positive in it.
Life is best lived in some light.
Your BL is pretty damn big!
Anonymous
26th Mar 2023 8:47pm
Hey, Styxian. While I was reading this, I was hoping it was a story not based on real life. Every word, every line had me glued. I kept hoping for a happy ending. I'm so sorry this happened. I can definitely relate.
Much love
Much love
27th Mar 2023 00:37am
Thank you O.H. (You have a shorter nickname? Lol)
I write about scenarios. Complicated situations. Sometimes, they have good endings.
It isn't so much about where truth comes in, as much as how we feel about things. And how they effect us. Maybe it is only "what if's".
I like to write. If anyone likes to read it, then that is a good day to me.
Thank you very much for popping in. Your writing ability is impressive. Much more poetic than mine. So I'm glad that you can see some worth in mine. Thank you.
I write about scenarios. Complicated situations. Sometimes, they have good endings.
It isn't so much about where truth comes in, as much as how we feel about things. And how they effect us. Maybe it is only "what if's".
I like to write. If anyone likes to read it, then that is a good day to me.
Thank you very much for popping in. Your writing ability is impressive. Much more poetic than mine. So I'm glad that you can see some worth in mine. Thank you.
26th Mar 2023 11:15pm
You know how Blue went.... DAAAYYUUMM?!
Yeah, same.
Holy fuck, Styx. That was fucking beautiful. It hurt to read. It was art. Like.... just...
I'm humbled with how much self you've put on a page. The agony of truth, the side of you that's tender and bruised and staring at a ceiling fan after the lady departs is ... it hurts to read but FUCK it's good. Just... fucking amazing.
There were so many literary elements to nerd out about, but instead I'll just say ... thank you for sharing this piece of yourself.
Beautiful writing, as always.
Yeah, same.
Holy fuck, Styx. That was fucking beautiful. It hurt to read. It was art. Like.... just...
I'm humbled with how much self you've put on a page. The agony of truth, the side of you that's tender and bruised and staring at a ceiling fan after the lady departs is ... it hurts to read but FUCK it's good. Just... fucking amazing.
There were so many literary elements to nerd out about, but instead I'll just say ... thank you for sharing this piece of yourself.
Beautiful writing, as always.
27th Mar 2023 1:17am
I love that ceiling fan dome. Lol.
Thank you, Betty Able. (Not Grable, she dead)
When I do finally get my ass in gear, and smash my writes into hopefully a tangible "book", I'm calling it "My Vagabond Diary".
So with that in mind, I write along that theme a lot.
I just can't tell many people, or else they'll want some credit or to alter the schematics or something. So shhhhhh. DUP secrets stay in DUP. Lol.
And in all seriousness, I really appreciate your insight and your views on how my writes have some positive effect. I think even with the cloak of writing protecting me, I'm at my most real.
Thank you. Lots.
Thank you, Betty Able. (Not Grable, she dead)
When I do finally get my ass in gear, and smash my writes into hopefully a tangible "book", I'm calling it "My Vagabond Diary".
So with that in mind, I write along that theme a lot.
I just can't tell many people, or else they'll want some credit or to alter the schematics or something. So shhhhhh. DUP secrets stay in DUP. Lol.
And in all seriousness, I really appreciate your insight and your views on how my writes have some positive effect. I think even with the cloak of writing protecting me, I'm at my most real.
Thank you. Lots.
27th Mar 2023 4:57pm
It's quite a beautiful ceiling fan.
You drew me in right from the start, with the idea of words that alter time. I've heard some of those myself, where everything freezes, and you wonder...
The ache of this as it goes on just gets deeper and deeper. That hopelessness of being in something that's never going to go anywhere, and you know it.
But then there's the beauty. Damn. It makes it worth it somehow, despite the gut-punch at the end.
Spectacular writing, as always.
❤️k
You drew me in right from the start, with the idea of words that alter time. I've heard some of those myself, where everything freezes, and you wonder...
The ache of this as it goes on just gets deeper and deeper. That hopelessness of being in something that's never going to go anywhere, and you know it.
But then there's the beauty. Damn. It makes it worth it somehow, despite the gut-punch at the end.
Spectacular writing, as always.
❤️k
29th Mar 2023 1:24am
What's up BT.
Like probably most of us, I get caught up in my head too much. Like every little thing is significant, and I play out the zillion ways it could go, good or bad, all in about a split second. Lol. I don't get lost, I just wander. Like if I'm zoning out, and someone asks me what I'm thinking about, I then ask "how much time do you have?". I'm literally controlled chaos in my head. Yay me! Lol.
I try to write creative scenarios, truth or not. It's real stuff with real thought involved. We as writers aren't necessarily writing our autobiographies. We're just writing hopefully interesting stuff. Yeah?
(I take that ceiling fan with me whenever I move. Hopefully I'm here for awhile. Seeing how I'm stuck paying for the damn thing. Too much!)
Like probably most of us, I get caught up in my head too much. Like every little thing is significant, and I play out the zillion ways it could go, good or bad, all in about a split second. Lol. I don't get lost, I just wander. Like if I'm zoning out, and someone asks me what I'm thinking about, I then ask "how much time do you have?". I'm literally controlled chaos in my head. Yay me! Lol.
I try to write creative scenarios, truth or not. It's real stuff with real thought involved. We as writers aren't necessarily writing our autobiographies. We're just writing hopefully interesting stuff. Yeah?
(I take that ceiling fan with me whenever I move. Hopefully I'm here for awhile. Seeing how I'm stuck paying for the damn thing. Too much!)
29th Mar 2023 2:14am
Oh yes, I totally understand about the "creative scenarios". I live entire alternate universes in my head based on a single thought or look or sigh.... but it doesn't have to be autobiographical to be achingly relatable, and that's where your writing soars.
I can relate to the head-chaos. I live with it too. Non-stop. Apparently there are people who don't have that. Who knew?!
I can relate to the head-chaos. I live with it too. Non-stop. Apparently there are people who don't have that. Who knew?!
29th Mar 2023 2:19am
27th Mar 2023 8:01pm
Dear S,
All the above and then my thoughts…it’s a write that has the reader get a catch in their breath because there is always a part that can be directly relatable, whether happy, sad, heartbreaking or mashup of all. You know exactly how to speak to an audience. I dig the natural conversational style you write. They’re always like movie-poems. I expect to see rolling credits afterward. It’s an awesome gift. H🌷
All the above and then my thoughts…it’s a write that has the reader get a catch in their breath because there is always a part that can be directly relatable, whether happy, sad, heartbreaking or mashup of all. You know exactly how to speak to an audience. I dig the natural conversational style you write. They’re always like movie-poems. I expect to see rolling credits afterward. It’s an awesome gift. H🌷
29th Mar 2023 1:33am
Heya H. Thank you!
It's my version of an age-old situation. It's easy to see how the conflicted thoughts would play out.
I think I write down to earth, or something. I dunno. You pegged it pretty well with your description.
I think I'm going for an actual rhyming one next! Why not! It's hopefully not going to be a disaster! Wish me luck!
Rolling credits!? That's awesome. Lol. How about everyone gets credit. I'm surrounded by interesting people in here and in the world away from here.
It's my version of an age-old situation. It's easy to see how the conflicted thoughts would play out.
I think I write down to earth, or something. I dunno. You pegged it pretty well with your description.
I think I'm going for an actual rhyming one next! Why not! It's hopefully not going to be a disaster! Wish me luck!
Rolling credits!? That's awesome. Lol. How about everyone gets credit. I'm surrounded by interesting people in here and in the world away from here.
Anonymous
29th Mar 2023 2:44pm
This is a moving but really sad love poem. xxxx The picture with it is kinda perfect.
29th Mar 2023 11:50pm
17th Apr 2023 9:21pm
Hello Styxian
The parade of moments and observations you express here are definitely a heavy weight i'm sure many people would do their best to contain within themselves and simply not admit, you have a gift for narration and from the few poems I have read by you they hold solid words and that is evident throughout your writing, you have a touch for the personal no matter how heart wrenching or warm the feelings may be, i'm happy to have read this one today since I relate heavily in that way in my mind recently.
Kind Regards
-A
The parade of moments and observations you express here are definitely a heavy weight i'm sure many people would do their best to contain within themselves and simply not admit, you have a gift for narration and from the few poems I have read by you they hold solid words and that is evident throughout your writing, you have a touch for the personal no matter how heart wrenching or warm the feelings may be, i'm happy to have read this one today since I relate heavily in that way in my mind recently.
Kind Regards
-A
19th Apr 2023 2:35am
Hello neves (A),
Thanks for stopping in and for your ideal summation. I appreciate it very much so. I've concluded that I'm less poet and more story teller. And I'm comfortable with that. It suits my style.
Thank you so much!
Thanks for stopping in and for your ideal summation. I appreciate it very much so. I've concluded that I'm less poet and more story teller. And I'm comfortable with that. It suits my style.
Thank you so much!
