this is who i am

one of my elbows - I think it’s the left
still enjoys cost accounting
all other appendages have shaken it off
shudder even at the thought of those dry methodical terms
and the rules that house them
but something in that elbow is reassured
the joints move freer in their simple
back and forth motion  
upon remembering that debits and credits will equal
if only entered properly


the roof of my mouth is determined to speak French
and waits patiently for my tongue to understand
the angle at which it must reach up
to properly pronounce that romantic r


my inner ears prefer me to be quiet
but sometimes remember with both awe and alarm
the noise of my own determined force
attacking a tower of thick, rubber tyres
with an escrima stick in an echoing gymnasium

 
my ass seems forced to replay the home video
of my ukrainian dance recital
and realise each time as though for the first time
that it’s the biggest ass
in the row of interlaced kicking girls

 
if I wake up early enough and listen very closely
my chakras feel the sounds of chanting monks
and singing bowls in Korean Buddhist temples
and if I stay up too late the back of my neck prickles
with the possibility of men’s boots kicking in the door
the time between lives behind my eyelids
searching for some trail of light to connect the two


other things -the white spaces
have claimed the muscles between my neck and my shoulders
and the smaller ones of my jaw
they link together in tiny clenched fists
determined never to let go