window spotting

Holy shit! This is an incredible fucking image! Holy! Shit!

So you have a little inconsistency with your verb tense. If you do something, you have to do it in the same time frame. Led, read, said all happen in the past and are considered active tense because IT WAS. Going, showing, growing are all current and shouldn’t be mixed. Then you have the -es and the going tos and just fuck all that.

Match the main verbs for tense.

Am watching, bites and breaking are three different verb conjugations in the same line.

Also, if you have to describe two subjects and have then both move, consider ride tidying to whom the verb belongs. She this, I that.


Otherwise the image is fucking awesome

Here are a few suggestions, take ‘em or flush ‘em. Poetic license should always take precedence over advice:



I watch her from the window
while she bites air,
her mouth breaking gravity,

her jaw cuts into rain -

Then,
she swallows.

I raise china to my throat -

pay for the coffee;
shut the door on my way out;

think of something to say about the weather, goddammit.


Great poem!

Hi Betty - thanks for the kind feeback!

Noticed the verb changes but posting poems on different platforms can be difficult to manage and some were left unedited, haha!

Thank you for the reminder and the correction, was silly of me to publish in this state anyway, lol!

Thanks again,
Eren.