Painting My Future

I was looking at my life.
I took my paints and wondered what my future will be.
Wondering what will later happen to me.

I tried to paint a sun and grass full of green.
Wondering if I will ever heal from what I have been.
Then I painted a field of flowers and roses.

While my mental state decomposes.
Then I painted a husband, funny and smart.
Wondering if he will treat me nice,like i want.

I painted a house - pretty and cozy.
With big gates,that will protect me from evil.
And next to my paintings,a paint stained easel.

With paintings,portraying what I wanted to be as a kid.
 Wishing I was stronger,brave and big.
Wishing I could dodge the obstacles so big.

 Now I'm looking at my grave as I dig.
Getting ready for the peace and quiet I wanted,
but couldn't have due to my life.

Now I'm looking out the window in a cold,lonely night.
 Thinking of my future with such fright.
 And so I put on my headphones,listening to beats all night.

Carelessly drawing through the night.
 Dreaming of a princess across the sea.
Dreaming of a prince that will save me.