never

there is an emptiness that just takes,
a void I exist in
it's kind of grey and lonely...it needs
I can't reach it or touch it

it just is

a hurting place that tortures me
I can't seem to escape this place
I run but only get so far
I have happy days
but the grey is always looming large

the dark grips me with fears
fear of the unknown

I feel trapped

I look at a beautiful world that I can't really reach
it is for some but not me
it is a mirage I can't touch
the other people for the most part don't like me

I feel alienated

I would like to exit
but I know there are doors that only lead deeper into despair

I make deals with a God

who quite frankly is an asshole sometimes
he has me where he wants me...desperate
my throat tightens, my chest constricts, and I scream

let me go free
he replies never