The solace of adversity

It has been a cold winter
 
I sit huddled in my blankets
 
Balancing whether I should use my batteries to power the radiator or save them in case the day is grey
 
 
I love the sun
 
I love directly relying on it
 
Being so directly aware of relying on it
 
 
I missed it badly while it was gone
 
Sunk behind the buildings on the ridge  
 
Showing itself to me only by lighting the bare branches of the winter trees above the garden  
 
I had to carry my batteries to the mains and beg a bucketful of flux from her ladyship in the big house
 
Repaying her with offerings of food and cups of tea and an absence of comment on her plans to unhome me
 
 For ten weeks I had to carry my buckets back and forth and carefully ration the contents constrained by charging time and capacity

I took a hundred kilowatt hours in total, a satisfyingly nice round number:)

 
But now the sunbeams touch the understory and I need go begging no more
 
The absence of leaves allows them access to my roof even at the low angles of February
 
Power touches the panels and flows again along the trailing cables
 
Through the windows and the wall
 
And the numbers rise each day
 
Yesterday I saw them cross the hundred mark  
 
That arbitrary but satisfyingly round number  
 
Which elicited great excitement and glee
 
Out of all proportion to any actual significance
 
But a powerful mood enhancer
 
And a good antidote to nocturnal despair  
 
 
 
We humans are strange creatures to be able to gain satisfaction from such abstract things
 
Even as we torment ourselves with guilt about things beyond our control
 
I have enjoyed being cold because it became a challenge I could manage
 
Me vs the elements
 
Me with modern technology on my side
 
If not much else  
 
 
 
The solace of adversity kept me moving forward
 
Head up  
 
One foot after the other
 
Things to do
 
An occupied mind
 
Someone to care for  
 
What more does one really need?