deepundergroundpoetry.com
Reject It
People say Heaven
Like it's suppose to comfort me
They say God needed
Him home, like I didn't need him here
They say, It's all
Part of God's plan, like my plans
Weren't good enough
34 years old and I lost my father
I hide my pain with
A smile, drown my shame in tears
While deep down inside,
My soul is aching while my mind is
Breaking,
you see, when
You say Heaven, I get a clear image
Of a beautiful paradise
Where my dad can walk again, where
My dad is pain free
Because if heaven exist, noone deserves
It more then my dad
But then I get angry, my fist ball up
My vision blurs
Something deep inside me stirs
and I hate it
I get angry because
Your there and I'm here and it's been a
Whole year and I still
Can't see clear, maybe another year and
I won't drown in
These tears, I get angry, because I had
Plans, because
I needed you, I try to cope but I'm
Just losing hope
I want to march
Up to heaven and
Burn it down for taking my father
One less chair at Thanksgiving
And I'm suppose to smile and accept it
But all my mind can do
Is reject it
Like it's suppose to comfort me
They say God needed
Him home, like I didn't need him here
They say, It's all
Part of God's plan, like my plans
Weren't good enough
34 years old and I lost my father
I hide my pain with
A smile, drown my shame in tears
While deep down inside,
My soul is aching while my mind is
Breaking,
you see, when
You say Heaven, I get a clear image
Of a beautiful paradise
Where my dad can walk again, where
My dad is pain free
Because if heaven exist, noone deserves
It more then my dad
But then I get angry, my fist ball up
My vision blurs
Something deep inside me stirs
and I hate it
I get angry because
Your there and I'm here and it's been a
Whole year and I still
Can't see clear, maybe another year and
I won't drown in
These tears, I get angry, because I had
Plans, because
I needed you, I try to cope but I'm
Just losing hope
I want to march
Up to heaven and
Burn it down for taking my father
One less chair at Thanksgiving
And I'm suppose to smile and accept it
But all my mind can do
Is reject it
Published 18th Jan 2023
Author's Note
May 1st 2020, the day hope died. I lost my father after a long battle with infections. To this day, my mind still can’t accept it.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
18th Jan 2023 9:11pm
I am so sorry for your loss Brad. This one hits hard for me because my Mom is very sick and I know what's to come so I can greatly sympathize with everything you said. The grief, the anger, the denial, the depression. The video was very professionally done and really made the words stand out. The reading and expression really followed along perfectly. A great and very creative first entry. Thank you for sharing and welcome to DUP!
18th Jan 2023 10:24pm
thank you so much for the words. Its something i will never get over or understand. my dad was my rock, my biggest supporter in my art. im sorry about your mom, its tough growing up and realizing your parents wont be there forever. ive been doing independent film since 2009, a way to battle my anxiety and depression. doing this really helped me deal with unspoken thoughts. if you ever want a video done, im always down to help.
19th Jan 2023 00:50am
Yes, anxiety and depression is always an ongoing battle. I am glad you found an outlet to help you deal with those things. And thank you so much for the offer. I really do appreciate that a lot.
19th Jan 2023 2:59am
Yes, they are monsters I fear I will never defeat. My pleasure, I just love to be creative and to help people be creative. Always willing to help a fellow artist.
