deepundergroundpoetry.com
HAVE YOU GOT AN ANSWER?
HAVE YOU GOT AN ANSWER?
We need something in this cruel world
that makes us feel a sort of rest.
Where can we find it in our lives?
We are all lost and seek a trace.
The way that leads to cool our blood
that scalds our hearts and wears our veins
is found in drinks to soothe and calm
and cheer the hearts with drizzling rain.
I envy those whose blood is cold
and rules the fears the world provokes.
Where can their blood bring calmness from?
Tell me, l'll not forget my debt.
Can they be sure of what will come?
Don't they abhor the coming grave?
Will they depart just like a cat?
No loving Father will they meet?
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
We need something in this cruel world
that makes us feel a sort of rest.
Where can we find it in our lives?
We are all lost and seek a trace.
The way that leads to cool our blood
that scalds our hearts and wears our veins
is found in drinks to soothe and calm
and cheer the hearts with drizzling rain.
I envy those whose blood is cold
and rules the fears the world provokes.
Where can their blood bring calmness from?
Tell me, l'll not forget my debt.
Can they be sure of what will come?
Don't they abhor the coming grave?
Will they depart just like a cat?
No loving Father will they meet?
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 5th Jan 2023
| Edited 6th Jan 2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
More bad writing: punctuated by absurd claims that are likely to take a reader right out of this all tell no show submission.
"We need something in this cruel world
that makes us feel a sort of rest."
just a **sort** of rest?
"Where can we find it in our lives?
We are all lost"
**All **of us are lost? What's your evidence for the validity of this claim?
"and seek a trace."
Seek a trace of what?
"The way that leads to cool our blood
that scalds our hearts"
If our blood is cooled, how can it scald what it passes through?
"and wears our veins"
So the way we need to find is clothed with our veins?
If you meant to clearly and unambiguously convey that you are speaking of a way (or a type of blood that "damages, erodes, or destroys by friction or use." our veins, you needed to have written "wears down/away" our veins.
"Can they be sure of what will come?"
What will come when?
"Don't they abhor the coming grave?"
The answer is no. Many people -- including the writers of the Old Testament -- have been content with, and have accepted the idea with calmness that there is nothing for them beyond the grave. For you to say otherwise says more about you than it does about anyone else.
In any case, your continued bludgeoning readers with the claim that life does not -- and cannot -- have meaning unless there is life after death grows tiresome and is good reason for readers who see you making it once again to regard you as an uninformed one trick pony and that your submissions are not worth reading.
"We need something in this cruel world
that makes us feel a sort of rest."
just a **sort** of rest?
"Where can we find it in our lives?
We are all lost"
**All **of us are lost? What's your evidence for the validity of this claim?
"and seek a trace."
Seek a trace of what?
"The way that leads to cool our blood
that scalds our hearts"
If our blood is cooled, how can it scald what it passes through?
"and wears our veins"
So the way we need to find is clothed with our veins?
If you meant to clearly and unambiguously convey that you are speaking of a way (or a type of blood that "damages, erodes, or destroys by friction or use." our veins, you needed to have written "wears down/away" our veins.
"Can they be sure of what will come?"
What will come when?
"Don't they abhor the coming grave?"
The answer is no. Many people -- including the writers of the Old Testament -- have been content with, and have accepted the idea with calmness that there is nothing for them beyond the grave. For you to say otherwise says more about you than it does about anyone else.
In any case, your continued bludgeoning readers with the claim that life does not -- and cannot -- have meaning unless there is life after death grows tiresome and is good reason for readers who see you making it once again to regard you as an uninformed one trick pony and that your submissions are not worth reading.
6th Jan 2023 7:04am
Is it possible to criticize in such a way. You are supposed to be a poet, and can understand poetry.
"Is it possible to criticize in such a way. " [sic this needs a question mark].
Leaving aside that you've shone once again that you don't know how to use correct punctuation, what way is "such a way", Yes it is quite possible. and it is warranted as well.
But I must ask: Did you mean to enquire whether it is legitimate or acceptable or precedented to criticize your submission in the way I did? If so, the answer is "yes, it is".
The real question is whether you can demonstrate that my criticisms are invalid.
"You are supposed to be a poet, [sic no comma] and can understand poetry."
You've not shown that I do not understand poetry, let alone that the comments I made about how and why your submission is poorly written actually provide evidence that I lack such an understanding.
The problem here is that you have not written well and that you have composed lines that are not understandable, not to mention that you do not answer the question you posed in the title of your submission.
And it is fallacious to think that one must be a post to understand poetry, let alone to claim that being a poet guarantees that what is poorly written and incoherent will be understood. In fact, it is quite the opposite. When one knows something about what effective verse looks like, one is qualified to say someone else's writing is not intelligible.
in any case, if the supposition that **you** are a poet (i.e., someone who is skilled in writing verse) is true, then you should not be writing things that are unintelligible. The fact that you do write things that are unintelligible -- things that, given the way they are written, prevent anyone from understanding what you are attempting to say -- means that you are not a poet, just someone who thinks he is and claims the title of "poet without warrant to do so. It is the equivalent of someone who thinks that because he can bang out notes on a piano, he is an accomplished musician whose "music" should be regarded as full of art.
Leaving aside that you've shone once again that you don't know how to use correct punctuation, what way is "such a way", Yes it is quite possible. and it is warranted as well.
But I must ask: Did you mean to enquire whether it is legitimate or acceptable or precedented to criticize your submission in the way I did? If so, the answer is "yes, it is".
The real question is whether you can demonstrate that my criticisms are invalid.
"You are supposed to be a poet, [sic no comma] and can understand poetry."
You've not shown that I do not understand poetry, let alone that the comments I made about how and why your submission is poorly written actually provide evidence that I lack such an understanding.
The problem here is that you have not written well and that you have composed lines that are not understandable, not to mention that you do not answer the question you posed in the title of your submission.
And it is fallacious to think that one must be a post to understand poetry, let alone to claim that being a poet guarantees that what is poorly written and incoherent will be understood. In fact, it is quite the opposite. When one knows something about what effective verse looks like, one is qualified to say someone else's writing is not intelligible.
in any case, if the supposition that **you** are a poet (i.e., someone who is skilled in writing verse) is true, then you should not be writing things that are unintelligible. The fact that you do write things that are unintelligible -- things that, given the way they are written, prevent anyone from understanding what you are attempting to say -- means that you are not a poet, just someone who thinks he is and claims the title of "poet without warrant to do so. It is the equivalent of someone who thinks that because he can bang out notes on a piano, he is an accomplished musician whose "music" should be regarded as full of art.
Yes, I Have an Answer
Have not the golden poets
rightly said
that what it is
that’s sure to give “us”
any of the rest you claim
that “man” has always sought
to know
before “he” dies
is love on all its forms
from one corporeal
and wise
to all our needs
who’s often
and so willingly,
within our arms
and in our beds
and not, despite
what a religion’s often
misread scriptures seem
to say,
some airy spirit
in the sky.
Now if you disagree
that this is true
and that it’s only someone bodiless
who lives up in
a realm celestial
who’s capable of granting “man”
repose,
let alone of any “sort”
I challenge you
to show me why
that I should think it so.
Have not the golden poets
rightly said
that what it is
that’s sure to give “us”
any of the rest you claim
that “man” has always sought
to know
before “he” dies
is love on all its forms
from one corporeal
and wise
to all our needs
who’s often
and so willingly,
within our arms
and in our beds
and not, despite
what a religion’s often
misread scriptures seem
to say,
some airy spirit
in the sky.
Now if you disagree
that this is true
and that it’s only someone bodiless
who lives up in
a realm celestial
who’s capable of granting “man”
repose,
let alone of any “sort”
I challenge you
to show me why
that I should think it so.
7th Jan 2023 5:58pm
Very dear Baldwin,
Thank you for giving me an answer. It is your opinion.
Thank you for giving me an answer. It is your opinion.
"Thank you for giving me an answer. It is your opinion."
Not mine. It's what famous poets have said. And, as expected, you've avoided saying, let alone showing, why they are wrong and why your opinion is correct.
By the way, quoting scripture is not evidence that you are correct. Any claim that you might make that the New Testament speaks the truth about what gives "man" rest (or even a "sort of rest"), is only an opinion. It assumes what needs to be proven.
And what's with this "very dear" nonsense?
Given the way you abuse my person in public with insults and innuendos, I'd hate to see how you treat, and what you say to, those whom you consider as not "very dear" to you.
Not mine. It's what famous poets have said. And, as expected, you've avoided saying, let alone showing, why they are wrong and why your opinion is correct.
By the way, quoting scripture is not evidence that you are correct. Any claim that you might make that the New Testament speaks the truth about what gives "man" rest (or even a "sort of rest"), is only an opinion. It assumes what needs to be proven.
And what's with this "very dear" nonsense?
Given the way you abuse my person in public with insults and innuendos, I'd hate to see how you treat, and what you say to, those whom you consider as not "very dear" to you.
