Drowning

  I was once swimming in a place of happiness and bliss/only to find myself reminicing the time I lived/body stiff and breathing restricted/ while slowly decending down to unknown depths and looking for ways to be lifted/ feeling defeated/ because my attempt to save myself is of to no avail/ I'm so far down in the water that no one can tell/ no evidence  of me drowing is present/ I try making a sound but I am hesitant/ because opening my mouth will only add more pain and hasten my demise/this is so oppressing and surpressing that I cant even cry/ prayed, call on friends and family to help me?/ Yup/ I already tried/ it seems the only way to salvation is for me to die    
    
Why oh why must this hurt so bad/ grinning from cheek to cheek in  public knowing I'm sad/ trying to come out of regret and dreaming of things I wish I had/ you know what, I really could use my mom and dad/ I'm irritated and angry but I cant be mad/ you aint going through what I'm going through? Yeah, i'm glad/  
    
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy/ even though my enemy/ are those who claim to being a friend to me/ while i'm going through an internal catastrophy/ that seems to be prepetuated for an eternity/ all I get is a pat on the shoulder with people saying "God will take care of me." /Yeah I'm sure He will but why hasn't He/ This isnt something  I can just recover from easily/ and while people hesitate to help me/ due to rumored and or proven history/ I am going down and unable to voice 2 words/... Help me    
  
*Sigh i guess this my fate/ after all it appears my rescue is delayed and will be too late/ I wish I could retake/ all the tears I cried/ and all the times I screamed "I want to die!"/  having to question myself why oh why/ and no one from the outside can't even or dont even care to see the signs/ its ok though/ because I'm a new guy/ because i decided to embrace this process of drowning/ because I actually do seek to die/    
 
 I want to die/ to the old me and embrace the new me/yeah I was complaining/ but now I'm not because I got an epiphany/who wouldve thought I can be/ reborn from a thing/ that seems like a tragety /because I am going to resurface from a place of drowning.