it’s my birthday, i’ll bomb the poetry reading if i want to

*

TeD BuNdY sAvEd A bAbY’s LiFe, he dove into the water, preventing it from drowning. WhAt A hErO.

he also volunteered as a suicide hotline operator, saving lives.

my theory is that for every life ted took, he saved at least one. which would make him notthatbadofaguy.

/

(it's also plausible in fact that he only killed wemen who had called into the suicide hotline and spoke to him and made arrangements with him to assist them in catching the bus because there's so much shame in suicide so really "make it look like a murder" ted, you fucking SAINT.)

*

i’m so sorry honey, but when you die hardly anybody will remember you. unless you were jeffrey dahmer or somebody like that. but you’re not. i am. goodbye.

*

stairway to..no afterlife, sorry

*

i asked her how she liked my poems
she said eh
I said like an A or A+?
she says no, ehhhhh like a C
then she says i think you should find a new hobby, there’s no money in poetry


BiiTcH ima get rich off my poetry, fuck you.

*

yes  i’m 32  and  i live with my mom, in the basement
not because i am a piece of shit
but because i love my mom very much


(IT’S NOT “CARTOONS” MA, IT’S AN ANIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


(MA, MOAR HOTPOCKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


*

y’all got “skeletons in my closet”, (airquotes)

while i have skeletons in my closet. (no airquotes)


*

drink the bleach or die, dave.

*

she radiates positivity and kindness  

i radiate (warmth and strength) like an atomic bomb

*

end evry poem with bitch from now on

*

i love her like a dog…

rough, ROUGH!

ROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*

at work

she pats my back, how are you? she asks

what did you just put on me? i say

she says what? nothing

i reach for it

she says don’t worry about it, it’s just a sticker of a golden star because you’re doing such a great job

i tear it off and it’s a sticker that says out of order

*

her name’s jessie but i pronounce it jizzy after i come all over her.

my name’s justin but she pronounce it jizzstain after i got cum all over my coat that one crazyassnight

*

she might just be 5 feet tall, but her intestines are 25 feet long.

*

she was a reeeaaaaaal wholesome girl
until she met me
now she's in pieces
a dozen - mostly symmetrical - pieces

*

i’ll write you under the table, ho, and sUcK mY DiCk while you down there.

*

plain jane aint so plain after i gave her some cocaine

*

all play and no work makes jack a fuckboy

*

my mom used to let me suck her tits

*

HER TITS ARE HELLA NICE

….

BUT NOTHING’S THAT NICE


*

she says it’s not the end of the world

i say damnit

*

she say there is nothing worse than burnt toast.

i say i don't know the holocaust might have been worse

*

he said he had a sole fish thawed in the fridge and if i got hungry i could fry it up for a snack so i grabbed his sole sprinkled pink salt and grinded white peppercorns crsh crsh crsh onto the sides and fried it in some oil sssssss and ate it while i watched him be dead  

*

now i’m at a kidney shaped pool in someone’s backyard with a bunch of people
having the time of my life
drinking juicy lucies n dancing to a sweet taylor swift mix i brought over

♪ It was so nice throwing big parties
Jumping to the pool from the balcony
Everyone swimming in a champagne sea
And there are no rules when you show up here ♪

i run n do a 180 cannonball into the water
‘pOol pAArty!!’ i scream
‘did you guys see that!??’ i yell

But nobody saw it cuz they’re all not alive

*

she fell asleep reading my book n when she woke up she had paper cuts all over her pussy asshole and mouth  :0

*

roommate has big square bandage on his forehead from a car crash ask him if it’s an extra strength nicotine patch

*

kill 9 flies at the bar…

over the course of several hours

put them in a little pile on the table

drunk as shit

get the attention of this hot bitch walking by  

*gesture toward fly pile*

‘i’ve made an offering for u, goddess’  

*

Throw a noodle at her face to see if the pasta’s ready

ok good it stuck  ok good it’s ready

*

stop covering your tits you slut

*

show me all of your holes  

*

use her asshole as my beerholder and her pussy as my ashtray as i watch football all day  

*

put my fingers into the shape of a raygun……………
fingerblast(h)er

*

broken stool at work with note taped to it that says ‘broken’
she peels the note off the stool and sticks it to my forehead

*

face fulla red dots for better part of 10 years  
like dozens of guns with red dot sight were pointed at me
oftentimes i would look in the mirror and think to myself
just fucking shoot me

*

at mcdonalds with some acquaintances. one of them puts a hit of every soda flavor in his cup. he says “this is wut u call a suicide soda bro”


later we’re at his house. i come out of the bathroom, they’re all in the living room, chillin. i tell him “nah, this is a suicide soda bro” i unscrew the cap to the handle of bleach i found under the sink and dump it into my half empty cup of dr pepper and begin chugging

or

later we’re at his house in the living room. i tell him “nah, this is a suicide soda bro” i pull my gun, put it up to the bottom of the cup, drink some, ahh, and pull the trigger—

or

later we’re at his house in the living room. tell him “nah, this is a suicide soda broski” i take the lid off the full drink and fit it snugly in between two couch cushions. i get on my knees and put my nose and mouth into it and commence drowning

*

(tony montana started as a dishwasher)

she asked me wut i did
i told her i wash dishes
she laughed and she laughed (thinking i was joking)
until i pulled it out
and said


say ello to my li’l friend

*

in the livingroom

watching the noose on the tv
watching the noose
on the tv
watching the noose
on the tv
watching the noose
on the tv
i’m so depressed
watching the noose
in my hands
around my neck
jumping off the tv

*

in some shitty restaurant
there is a bald headed piano player
playing some dumbshit
very cockily

i tell my bitch
'hey, look at that penis'

she says
'it's pianist'

i say
'i know, that's not what i meant'

she says
'you're so lame'

later she broke my heart
with another dickhead key fingerer

and i call every single pianist
a peeanis now. out of spite.

*

wipe the tears out of her eyes and off of her cheeks with my dick to lubricate it and then i fuck her with it

*

I see her in the safeway parking lot
pushing carts
looking miserable
I roll up beside her

“hey, are you guys hiring?”

she says
“what? why would you want to work here?
it sucks”

…

“so you’ll have someone to be miserable with,
you can be my reference
and we’ll split the 500 dollars of referal money after 3 months,
then we will find something else and quit”

*

cutely suffocate her with kisses

flirtatiously punching her thigh and arm and stomach

romantically choking her and spitting on her tits

playfully pissing on her face  

intimately taking a shit on her chest

then i go on an anal rampage

jihad on her pussy


throatfuck chainsaw massacre


blip. . .Blip. . .BLA-A-A-T!!

*

i open the door to my apartment. my mom steps in. she gasps. oh my fucking god jonjon, what the hell is going on, why are there cockroaches everywhere? i start to cry. my mom stomps a cockroach. don't do that, i say. she stomps another. please mom, don’t. she says and why the hell not? i say in a choked whisper, because they're my boyz

*


she said she hasn’t gotten her period in a month and a half and she’s scared she might be…. u know.  i tell her don’t worry.  i take her to pound town.  after it’s done i point at her slit, hey look ur bleeding and she doesn’t respond  but i know it’s all good now

*

she tells me i’m getting fat…

i tell her my dad always told me to be a big boy

*

stressed out

i look into the mirror a lot with a fake gun to my head and i pull the trigger and make a gunshot noise and imagine my brains blowing out  

it relaxes me


*

Sometimes when I do a big yawn I imagine taking the whole world into my mouth and down my throat into my stomach and digesting it and shitting it back out. And then everything is different. Everything is nice. Everyone is dead.

*

my butt hurts from slapping and grabbing and fucking my own ass


pretending it was someone else

*

wondering if i’m gunna die this year
or next year

*

bruising my arch enemy dave’s widow’s cervix in the bathroom in the middle of his funeral

*

gAvE AbOuT 1,000 fUcKs ToDaY

into your bitch

*

put it up gently to the side of her head


then blow her fucking brains out

*

she texts me a long lame joke

i text her *snorts*

she texts back wow u think i’m funny nobody thinks i’m funny! :) :)

i text hell ya bitch you’re hilarious

- but what i meant was *does a line of cocaine*

*

when i cut into most poets no guts come out


*

she’s screaming the safe words but

so much noise in the room  you can’t hear the safe words  (over the sound of the chainsaw)

RruRuuGgARugGgAaAa

*

Finally found a nickname for my boii Paulo i frequently do drugs with: Paul High

*

i’m going to fucking kill you bitch.
HAHA
Don’t take me seriously.
Seriously,
I’m harmless
;)

*

i’m not a misogynist
i just really really dislike women

(but i don’t hate them)

*

i disturbed the grass
dragging her through the field....
i distressed the tree
when i fucked her against it
i upset the lake
when i threw her corpse into it

i'm so sorry


then i run back home
run upstairs
and hug my depression teddybear

*


dance move called the helicopter where u cut ur legs off n and swing them around ur head until u pass out and die from blood loss

*

she said “look my pussy is smiling for you”

then i made it weep

*

it’s extremely energy efficient how i’ve been using the expression ‘goodness’ in various tones to respond to litrly everything lately:

she tells me her best friend was r-worded then stabbed 36 times then barely alive and bleeding profusely thrown off a boat into great white shark infested waters

“goodness!”

*

everything sags but my viagra-hard dick and her silicon tits

*

wake up
eat
pee
drink
poo
(brush teeth)
go back to slepe

*

only club i really want to join is the suicide club

*

if i wasn’t such a pussy
if i wasn’t so weak
if i wasn’t so selfish
i would’ve killed myself already

*

she’s masturbating with a knife (handle)

she says it reminds her of my dick

*

Anyone want to chill with me in my sex dungeon after this?  not trying to fuck just hangout….

*

*

*

ok, i kill u now


*


bitch