deepundergroundpoetry.com
It's Early Morning Now
It’s early morning now;
my bedroom’s not yet
far beyond grey light..
Somewhere in the distance
sleeping cars are being churned to life.
My lover’s in my kitchen making coffee
for us both
and as it drips into the pot
she, in dawning wakefulness,
begins to hum
some lilting Celtic melody.
I stay awhile in bed,
eyes closed,
and float within
the silky current of her voice.
It’s morning now
but it is not yet light.
my bedroom’s not yet
far beyond grey light..
Somewhere in the distance
sleeping cars are being churned to life.
My lover’s in my kitchen making coffee
for us both
and as it drips into the pot
she, in dawning wakefulness,
begins to hum
some lilting Celtic melody.
I stay awhile in bed,
eyes closed,
and float within
the silky current of her voice.
It’s morning now
but it is not yet light.
Published 12th Sep 2022
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likes 3
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comments 8
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The author encourages honest critique.
a magical time for me, such wonderful lines in your poem, it lets me be there watching the scene play out
12th Sep 2022 8:53pm
Glad to hear it. But telling me what that time of day is like for you is not what I was/am asking for when I note that I want criticism of my submission. Have you anything thing to say about how and why my submission does (or does not) show poetic art? I'd be grateful if you post something on that topic.
13th Sep 2022 10:54am
I find very nice words and expressions used in your poem, such as "...not yet far beyond grey light, sleeping cars are being churned to life, in dawning wakefulness...etc.". But l find no poetry in this piece of writing. You are lazily lying in bed while your LOVER not your WIFE is preparing your coffee while your eyes are "closed and float within the silky current of her voice". The image here is beautiful, but where is your deep feeling or emotion? You show the lazy side of your life in beautiful images, and nice words. This is poetry for you, but nothing poetic for me. Sorry, Baldwin. This is not poetry for me.
13th Sep 2022 11:55am
13th Sep 2022 12:12pm
I mean creating deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how man should be or shouldn't be, ". All that written in a rhythmic language.
13th Sep 2022 3:18pm
What on earth is a "rhythmic language"" ? Is it like a "latinate language"? Which country speaks it?
13th Sep 2022 12:43pm
"I mean creating deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how man should be or shouldn't be, ". All that written in a rhythmic language"
So that's why you wrote about making clothes from clouds?
So that's why you wrote about making clothes from clouds?
"I mean creating deep ideas inside us that move our feelings and emotions and make us say, "This is how man should be or shouldn't be, "
If this is what a writing has to do in order to be poetry, then you would have to say that most of what your poetic heroes, i.e., "Wordwrth ("https://allpoetry.com/Youssefzenieh), Coleridge, Shelly, Keats,, and Shakespeare, wrote is not poetry.
In any case, do you really think that the things you post to DUP do this, let alone effectively?
If this is what a writing has to do in order to be poetry, then you would have to say that most of what your poetic heroes, i.e., "Wordwrth ("https://allpoetry.com/Youssefzenieh), Coleridge, Shelly, Keats,, and Shakespeare, wrote is not poetry.
In any case, do you really think that the things you post to DUP do this, let alone effectively?
