Eric's Journals of Self-Discovery  Chapter 1

Janice gave me an awkward glance as she unsnapped her bra. I smiled dumbly back. Her eyes looked at me again as she bent to slide her jeans to the floor, her hips swaying side to side, then stepping out of the pile of denim she’d worn since I first met her earlier that evening.
 
Her eyes seemed to question me as if she thought I was a man about to grab her purse. I was puzzled, but put away any thoughts of hesitation while looking at her unclothed form in the dim light of her bedroom.  
 
It was all new to me. The dresser mirror that sent light around the room. This room in a house on a quiet residential street where children played as we drove up. It was new. All of it.  
 
She stood quietly and completely naked except for her wedding ring and a silver cross necklace. The small patch of trimmed pubic bush the same color as her shoulder-length light brown hair caught light from the her dresser mirror and shined against her pale skin.  This was new too.
 
I’d learned over drinks earlier that Janice’s husband, John, and their daughter were visiting his family and wouldn’t return until the next afternoon. I’d learned that she was a teacher and her summer break was soon ending.  
 
From me, she learned that I was in college and had a girlfriend. She seemed to intuitively know I was a typical male, horny most of the time and easily led.  
 
From Janice I learned that her marriage was shaky, but that they’d been in counseling for the sake of their 9 years of marriage and their daughter. From her I’d learned that the counseling was helping.
 
I was puzzled that she’d invited me to her home. I was even more puzzled that she was standing naked in front of me.  
 
With a subtle roll of her eyes that could have been that of a girl my age, they said, ‘well what?’  
 
Within a few seconds I was naked and we crawled into her bed.  
 
I’d noticed a photo of her family walking on the beach hanging over her bed. I thought of it as she rose over me and carefully guided me into her pussy with her fingers. I was curious about the photo's prominence in the room, but made no comment for fear of disrupting the mood.
 
As she began to rise and fall over me, her eyes looked directly into mine like she was searching for something. I felt awkward. I barely knew this beautiful wife and mother whose hands pressed down on my chest as she rose and fell again and again. I felt some guilt about my girlfriend and wondered what she would have thought, but it wasn’t like we were engaged or anything and Janice was amazing.  
 
Her breasts were the fullest I’d ever had and they bounced beautifully over my face. Her body radiated heat that hovered over me. She was like an animal, working feverishly to satisfy her hunger as if her life depended on a single meal.
 
I pressed my hands against her nipples and thought of the pleasure they must have given her husband. I thought of her daughter sucking there when she was younger and found myself leaning up toward them to feel their heat.
 
Janice noticed and folded down into me to let her breast rest on my face. I was in heaven kissing one then the other as her lower body continued it’s steady, rhythmic work.  
 
We stayed like this for a while, her warm breath panting across my forehead and me gasping for air between kisses to her breasts.  
 
Finally, Janice seemed to sense I was about to come. She rose high over me and looked down to where we were joined. As my throbbing began, Janice’s eyes rose and settled on the photo over her bed. As I felt strong jolts of semen flowing from my body into hers, I saw tears begin to form in her eyes and her lips parting as if she were crying but there was no sound other than her shallow panting. In that moment I wondered to myself what the true cost of tonight’s infidelity might be for Janice.
 
For me, a college kid with a girlfriend, it was a pleasurable side trip. For her, this night might mean the end of her marriage.  
 
As I stood to dress next to Janice’s bed I looked at myself in her dresser mirror and saw fear in my face. I looked at the family photo over her bed only feet above where we’d fucked minutes before. I felt older but no wiser. I felt like a grown man who could heal or hurt and that night I’d played a part in hurting Janice’s marriage.  
 
After dressing, I kissed Janice and noticed tears at the corners of her eyes that didn't meet mine.  I left without saying a word.  
 
I drove away from Janice’s house and past the neighborhood houses with brightly lit windows. I went back to the bar where I’d met Janice a few hours before and ordered a beer.  
 
The bartender said, “Where’s that babe you were with earlier?”  
 
I shook my head and said, “I’m not sure now.”
 
He cut his eyes toward me as and walked to another customer.  
 
I pulled out my phone and called my girlfriend.
 
“Hello?” Her voice was sweet and clear.  
 
“Hey, this Eric.”
 
“Awe Eric, thanks for calling. Are you alright? Your voice sounds weak.  
 
“I’m alright I think.”  
 
“Can you come over tonight? I’m through studying now.”  
 
“Sure.”