deepundergroundpoetry.com
Acadia
Hearty trees; full trunks, heavy leaves
Moss covered floor; lush greens, heady colors
Intoxicating views; rocky shores, mile-high mountains
There is nothing so sweet
As the air in this land
There is nothing so sweet
Moss covered floor; lush greens, heady colors
Intoxicating views; rocky shores, mile-high mountains
There is nothing so sweet
As the air in this land
There is nothing so sweet
Published 25th Jul 2022
| Edited 26th Jul 2022
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likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 3
reads 352
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
25th Jul 2022 10:33pm
This is lovely. I have a soft spot for trees, sea and mountains. Especially sea! You recreate something of the peace AND the power of the landscape.
Honest criticism: consider dividing the third line into two pieces to make the lines match better. 'Mountains that stretch past the clouds' is also a bit clunky compared to your other imagery. I'd consider shortening/ changing it. Even 'mountains stretching past clouds' would be better. Or 'cloud-topped mountains'.
Enjoyed.
Honest criticism: consider dividing the third line into two pieces to make the lines match better. 'Mountains that stretch past the clouds' is also a bit clunky compared to your other imagery. I'd consider shortening/ changing it. Even 'mountains stretching past clouds' would be better. Or 'cloud-topped mountains'.
Enjoyed.
26th Jul 2022 5:31pm
‘Cloud topped mountains’ is definitely a better turn of phrase! Thanks for the feedback!
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
25th Jul 2022 11:54pm
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