deepundergroundpoetry.com
Real Friends Don't Ruin Your Life
Treated me like a bomb
you wanted to see explode...
well, if you wanted crazy
you could've just said so
I'm sweet till you make me cry
docile till you start telling lies
and I'm only good to those
who don't try to find
the smallest of flaws
to use and expose
Fuck, it's so good to be alone
no one there to watch me
like some criminal in their home
like every step was a mistake
every breath just a fight away
walking barefoot over glass
cuz they said I can't wear shoes
if I want to earn their badge...
And I was left
bleeding on the floor
I could hear them laugh
just beyond the door
smearing my name,
taking my fears
and mocking my pain
Now I can say...
I'm better off without them anyway
you wanted to see explode...
well, if you wanted crazy
you could've just said so
I'm sweet till you make me cry
docile till you start telling lies
and I'm only good to those
who don't try to find
the smallest of flaws
to use and expose
Fuck, it's so good to be alone
no one there to watch me
like some criminal in their home
like every step was a mistake
every breath just a fight away
walking barefoot over glass
cuz they said I can't wear shoes
if I want to earn their badge...
And I was left
bleeding on the floor
I could hear them laugh
just beyond the door
smearing my name,
taking my fears
and mocking my pain
Now I can say...
I'm better off without them anyway
Published 13th Jul 2022
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
13th Jul 2022 10:50am
<< post removed >>
13th Jul 2022 12:18pm
Most definitely, rejection is redirection.
Powerful.
The length
of the lines
is being
automatically
returned
by length,
yet,
if you edited it
at the prepositional
phrases,
you could strengthen
the words
that fall
just
before them
with double meanings.
I'm sweet
'til you make me cry
And I was left
bleeding
on the floor
Now I can say...
I'm better off
without them
anyway
This controls
the line
and forces
the meaning
to be emphasized.
Strength
strengthened.
Powerful.
The length
of the lines
is being
automatically
returned
by length,
yet,
if you edited it
at the prepositional
phrases,
you could strengthen
the words
that fall
just
before them
with double meanings.
I'm sweet
'til you make me cry
And I was left
bleeding
on the floor
Now I can say...
I'm better off
without them
anyway
This controls
the line
and forces
the meaning
to be emphasized.
Strength
strengthened.
13th Jul 2022 2:04pm
really appreciated this comment... I learned a great lesson here.
Thanks, RT
Thanks, RT
13th Jul 2022 2:29pm
I take that from transformational grammar as applied by the University of Iowa, William Carlos Williams, and, of course, Chomsky.
Segmenting operational sections feathers the line, makes it easier to read, and follows Caxton's sense of what punctuation is supposed to accomplish....musicality for the purpose of signifying meaning in order to enhance understanding.
I think it makes it easier to read out loud when I'm doing coffee house poetry readings.
Segmenting operational sections feathers the line, makes it easier to read, and follows Caxton's sense of what punctuation is supposed to accomplish....musicality for the purpose of signifying meaning in order to enhance understanding.
I think it makes it easier to read out loud when I'm doing coffee house poetry readings.
Anonymous
13th Jul 2022 12:47pm
<< post removed >>
13th Jul 2022 2:24pm
What a hard unfortunate lesson learned. I feel the pain, heartbreak and upheaval yet also your relief as well. It's a sad cautionary tale, really well written.
I hope you received some catharsis from purging a bit of what was needed.
Thank you for sharing with us,
🌹 B
Wonderful
I hope you received some catharsis from purging a bit of what was needed.
Thank you for sharing with us,
🌹 B
Wonderful
13th Jul 2022 5:38pm
I appreciate you. This write did help me feel a little better. Thank you
19th Nov 2022 6:01pm
Nothing worse than a friend's betrayal. I understand you may be moving in different directions; but some can't just part ways they have to go "Scorched Earth".
Your words nicely captured the betrayal and ensuing anger. May you now have some stylish, durable, comfortable shoes.
Your words nicely captured the betrayal and ensuing anger. May you now have some stylish, durable, comfortable shoes.
