vicarious appreciation

They live chaotic lives
mine is boring in comparison
though I don't mind living
vicariously through them
before going home
to a white picket fence cliche
that I've learnt to appreciate
because I've been on the other side
where every day is madness
and I didn't give a shit
whether or not
I lived or died
in any given moment
every bad decision
feeling like a good one at the time

I've earned this peace of mind
I've fought for it
lost friends for it
left whole worlds behind
just to hold on to it
and I wouldn't exchange
the moments of lonely boredom
for my past life
that looks a lot like theirs
full of drugs and alcohol
waking up still wasted
and having to parent
through the drunken headaches
nauseas and tiredness

But I still love the stories
of madness I don't
have to live through
because I've already
been there and done that
and while some moments
where fun while they lasted
I'm glad it's not my life anymore

© Indie Adams 2022