deepundergroundpoetry.com
Autumn is upon me
I can smell dew
on cool grass
the fresh scent of autumn rain
drizzles light and delicate
chilled wind blows
small shivers come
with the gentle fall
of a floating leaf
a little death
shakes free
from a thick stem
one of many to come
the beauty of colours
tanned earth tones
trickle across my sight
I can taste the rain
feel its wonder
cause shudders on my flesh
I want to join in
this shedding of weight
run my fingers
through the wet grass
on cool grass
the fresh scent of autumn rain
drizzles light and delicate
chilled wind blows
small shivers come
with the gentle fall
of a floating leaf
a little death
shakes free
from a thick stem
one of many to come
the beauty of colours
tanned earth tones
trickle across my sight
I can taste the rain
feel its wonder
cause shudders on my flesh
I want to join in
this shedding of weight
run my fingers
through the wet grass
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comments 11
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Autumn is upon me
8th Jun 2022 7:58pm
a very beautiful write dearest poet
the ending made me think of being in nude in nature
I love the idea....
the ending made me think of being in nude in nature
I love the idea....
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Re: Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:09pm
Me too, thanks for the read and comment Crim; you’re a god send to a writer
Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:18am
Lovely, very gentle, far more subtle than Submissive Origami. I think one might have to be in a certain frame of mind to really get the underlying erotica in this, though there is definite sensuality, and you touch on all the senses to draw one into the scene. Nice light touch. I like it. :-)
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Re: Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:10pm
A write is what you make of it and what you see, but yeah I buried the erotic pretty deep almost to a pretentious level I think,
That you can see it makes me glad I wasn’t coming off as an asshole, well maybe I do come off as an asshole, but I meant in this write…
That you can see it makes me glad I wasn’t coming off as an asshole, well maybe I do come off as an asshole, but I meant in this write…
Re: Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:19pm
Well, putting it under the erotic category will make someone look at it with that eye. It's obviously an attempt at trying something different, based on what I've seen of your other writing, but that doesn't make it feel pretentious. If you'd gone at it with some $10 words and a thesaurus in hand....
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Re: Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:20pm
Feels like I had something else in hand on this one… ok, ok I’ll stop
Re: Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:39pm
Mmmm-hmm... just a handful of dew-covered... grass, or were you referring to the hardwood stem?
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Re: Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:40pm
Re: Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:45pm
I'd assumed one of them was occupied with the writing. :D But, I suppose there's more than one way to press buttons on a keyboard...
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Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 9:48pm
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Nope too thick to write coherent and not enough controlled articulation, how about you write while I’m busy 😂
Nope too thick to write coherent and not enough controlled articulation, how about you write while I’m busy 😂
Re: Re. Autumn is upon me
9th Jun 2022 10:05pm
If I can write while you're busy, I don't think we'd be doing it right lol
Or... now that I'm thinking about it, I could start to write, and see how long it takes until I can't anymore.
Or... now that I'm thinking about it, I could start to write, and see how long it takes until I can't anymore.
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