suicidal rain

 
I am hurting in the cold
bitter feelings stir and they burn
pitted against each other in the suicidal rain
I felt helpless while I watch you turn your back on my pain
 
my differences too great
a high intellect wasn't enough to make you happy
cowboy with a Remington heart
you reloaded your gun without a thought
the leather of your belt stung my soul
but it was your words that cut more
 
you loved me but after awhile it wasn't worth it
and you kept your love hidden
a daddy's girl so different from the world
came in second with my golden sister
 
you fought every night with my step mother
to protect my honor
then one day it was easier to focus on your child with her
and I fade into the background
 
I miss you dad
 
you did your best
you had your own ache to protect
I give you props for holding down a good profession,
as a crop dusting pilot
and keeping your nose clean
so I could stay safe
 
after all it's the cowboy way
when  you fly over for the last time
I'll know it's time