deepundergroundpoetry.com
If Only
I wish I could steal your pain
umbrella all your rain
take away your sedentary sorrow
and bandage your violet veins
I wish I could influence your fate
steer you from self-hate
consume the guile of all your guilt
and prove its not too late
I wish I could procure your plight
battle your feverish fight
take away the dark and gray
and lead you into light
I know I am just a guest
who preaches peace and less unrest
but your sadness and shame has stained my soul
I just wish you the brightest and best.
Hang in there K...
umbrella all your rain
take away your sedentary sorrow
and bandage your violet veins
I wish I could influence your fate
steer you from self-hate
consume the guile of all your guilt
and prove its not too late
I wish I could procure your plight
battle your feverish fight
take away the dark and gray
and lead you into light
I know I am just a guest
who preaches peace and less unrest
but your sadness and shame has stained my soul
I just wish you the brightest and best.
Hang in there K...
Published 17th Mar 2012
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likes 7
reading list entries 3
comments 8
reads 944
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Mar 2012 8:22am
I could feel this not by heart but in mind.
I know you can still add more vividness to your creative work.
I know you can still add more vividness to your creative work.
17th Mar 2012 12:09pm
I'll take a fevered, wild stab in the dark and assume this is about me.. It wouldn't be very fair for me to force this onto you, you know.
Still, this is beautifully written, and has some marvelous vocabulary.<3
Still, this is beautifully written, and has some marvelous vocabulary.<3
17th Mar 2012 5:36pm
You didn't force anything, that last poem you wrote just got me...wishing better for you is the least I could do. I'm glad you liked it. x x
20th Mar 2012 1:06am
Let me reiterate... I loved the way you have done your work. It is really interesting and mostly well written. The notation of expression is well expressed.
My first comment didn't able to express this due to I'm on a rush. Sorry about that one.
What I meant is, your work has color, has texture, has glorious impact... I only wish that if you add more touch of vivid motion and some in-depth thoughts and emotions, your work will turn, for me, into a great piece of literature.
My first comment didn't able to express this due to I'm on a rush. Sorry about that one.
What I meant is, your work has color, has texture, has glorious impact... I only wish that if you add more touch of vivid motion and some in-depth thoughts and emotions, your work will turn, for me, into a great piece of literature.
17th Mar 2012 8:34pm
Enjoyed this one from the beginning to the end.
(If only = I wish(that's in my head))
(If only = I wish(that's in my head))
Anonymous
18th Mar 2012 1:47pm
We have the ability to relate to people when we have gone through the same things-it's empathy. Sympathy is in my mind, harder because you have to tap in to the :human" in you and find love for another in their own plight-well done on that! I think that adding a lot more emotion would take away from it-just my opinion though-well written x
18th Mar 2012 4:50pm
Thanks Miki, I thought the same but who knows...we all read differently :)
Anonymous
28th Mar 2012 6:22pm
heartfelt piece,well done.
