anticipation and fear

I fear the oncoming change
the way my heart breaks open
and bleeds truths
I don't necessarily want to face

I've found my safety here
I've found my voice
and the strength I lost

I want to feel alive again
I want to hold freedom
in my heart
and breathe in today
like it's the only thing
that matters

Instead I worry about things
I can't yet see
untethered by uncertainty
and past failings

There is so much love
in the hands that reach out
and help hold back
the rush of anxiety
that falls on me like a tsunami
temporary yet crushing

And I worry our hands
will break apart
and I'll find myself alone again
when the love has helped
keep me whole
on those days
I just wanna fall apart

 © Indie Adams 2022