Duolingo for Kink

My new friend  
is looking at me strangely  
there's a missing piece in what i'm saying  
she's on to me  

we're talking about men  
in the way women over 50 do  
intermittent bemoaning  
trying to stay upbeat  
there is one guy i like  
i tell her  
but  
 
well, it's complicated  
 
he lives several hours away  
it's a nice setting  
the last three times i saw him  
i drove to him  
(he met me one third of the way, once)  
 
my friend's eyes laser through me  

when is he going to come to you??  
 
ugh
 I walked right into that one  
 
well...i'm not sure he is  
(unless there's a kink conference in town)  
i'm not enough of a reason for him to brave the traffic  
and other things he hates about city life  
(but a kink conference is)  
it sounds pathetic  
it sounds bemoany  
but how do i explain
that i'm happy to travel hours  
for a man eager to slap me hard but safely  
(really, do you know how hard it is to find that combination?)  
 
with lottery-like odds  
she might get it  
realistic odds are  
 she'd be horrified  
maybe  
much worse  
she'd simply view the situation as sad  
I might go to Hawaii in October  
i tell her  
she brightens  
problem solved  
 
i'll blur him out of the picture next time  
try to stay upbeat  
bemoan over 50 dating challenges  
and remember to not try to translate  
the untranslatable
it simply can't be done