the sacredness of trust

 
I should have never been married
or entangled with anyone
because I truly love my husband
but I realized I can't trust myself

not even with me

I have no choice but to be stuck with me
I have nowhere else to go

no one else to be

letting him down hurts me in a way nothing else does
I've come to the conclusion I'm too young a soul for a relationship

too immature

I hear the spirit of what I can only think of as God
I tell him I want to be part of his garden dream

a flower there

but I tell him I don't trust me with him either
not to break his heart
still, with me he has been since day one
striving with my spirit

he says he knows me

I think I need many lifetimes to be a proper companion to anyone
it hurts to know you are the cause of another's sadness

in my marrow I am in love

it frightens me to know someday I might lose him
because I can't trust myself I'm too young