duality's child

 
tears threaten like storm clouds
I feel them brewing in the background
gathering with momentum moving with speed
collecting all the cast off feelings
and hollow words I've uttered
it is good to grieve
to feel terrible pain then its relief

I ache among the sunflowers
what a selfish child I am
they smile at me with beauty
grateful for the sun
alone in my solemn vow
I am slightly sullen and shaken
I fear too much
it really scars to feel this way

escaping a sigh
thoughts come alive
inner turmoil free of will bleeds through
the ink spilled is of the soul's tears

I ache in tune with my soul
within my sanctuary grieve for what I don't know
there is something asphyxiating my beliefs
I think to speak and a demon comes forth
to steals my thoughts away
before the words form on my lips
they seal them in tombs within me
where they are forgotten
with one exception, the hurt

feelings foreign to me overcome me
it's in the night when I rest
the ghosts enter with dreaded deceit
arranging my emotions in a macabre fashion
some days I don't the difference
between me and the wraiths of doom
spreading doubt in my soul

I stand in the shadows and let them speak
I hear them in my mind they sound like me
so I wonder the nature of my being
am I so bereft of heart

I am cursed to live in duality?

rebellious thought I should be devoured
my soul once wandered
I remember wondering when it would return
it finally made it's way back
finally talking in the voice I've always known

my own