Wally in Wonder Land

“I’m going to make my famous français prétentieux salad”
I told the grocery store clerk who was holding some brooms
“We got something special in the back” he said with a smile
Then he returned with a suspicious looking bag of mushrooms

I went home excited to make this salad for me and my wife
I tossed it (wink) then I added some of my special dressing
But the mushrooms it seemed were stale or had gone bad
So I got mad because for the longest time I’d been obsessing

“I’m going back” I said, with my face red and head full of dread
But that’s when a rainbow came shooting from my girl’s eyes
“Ooh the colors” I said as she waved like a queen in a parade
But this trip seemed like a dream I never thought I’d fantasize

My phone rang then bells with wings were flying across the room
Our dog Bandit said “damn it again” and answered it by saying “hi”
Suddenly I heard a voice behind me coming from the cage
It was our cockatoo Professor Feathers saying “haha, you fools are high”

Bandit put on his glasses with a pipe in his paw and took a puff
The smoke was a haze in my face like a phase of pure imagination
“You better hold on to something” my dog barked through the fog
As I felt the house rocking from the walls to the ceiling and foundation

“What’s happening?” I yelled as my wife kept waving at the onlookers
I felt so scared at the shaking and quaking I could almost pee my pants
I thought it was gonna be the running of the bulls from Pamplona
But when I looked at the table, it was a stampede of tiny hungry ants

“It’s him” the commanding ant pointed at me in his uniform and bullhorn
“Oh shit, you in trouble now” Professor Feathers added with a smirk
“You jerk” I said as I tried to run away but a tiny ant tripped me up
And while on the floor he punched me really hard like he was a merc

“Stop it please!” I pleaded with the ruthless and merciless angry ant
“This is my house now bitch” the tiny fella said as he flicked on the nose
“I gotta a family” I said as my wife still seemed to float on that parade
Then he said “better tell your friends about me through rhyme and prose”