Black Lotus

In this darkened room,
My twisted fantasy of being alone.
And this humanoid doll,
I look at everyday with such intent.
Is it really taking a shape,
Or is it my imagination?

I was always watching you,
Drifting along and obsessed.
The urge to be with someone,
Yet denying their existence.

I wonder,
If I ever truly knew what I wanted.
My self made creation,
Is finally realized in front of me.
So beautiful yet fragile,
Could break down any moment.

Burdened by the guilt I could never convey,
And my incoherent thoughts will never sway.

A mark of certain words,
My secret wish I never myself believed.
Hiding within myself,
With a vision of never getting released.

To give up on this beautiful blue moon,
Everything around me I dyed black.
This grieving canvas reflecting all my lies,
I burned the black nothing into my eyes.