deepundergroundpoetry.com
Paradise
Heaven is sitting in a conference room,
Waiting for group to begin
When your knife doesn’t cut down deep enough
The pills don’t quite work alright
The dawn of the next life
Blazes while stale fluorescent lights buzz
There's an angel next to me
She is far too skittish to speak
She rocks back and forth anxiously
Her arm is embroidered with scars
I hope she doesn’t see mine
The clock reads eight thirty-five
In the distance, there are soft whispers
Quiet, to not disturb us
They speak of a new treatment plan
A new survivor is here
My hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail
To keep it out of my eyes
My pencil scratches fast along the paper
To keep tears out of my eyes
The tip of it never leaves my page
Here, with the deranged and the bruised
Insane as I may be too
Like zombies undead, miraculously saved
This is the life after death;
Sitting here in paradise
Published 16th Mar 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
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comments 6
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The author encourages honest critique.
16th Mar 2022 3:10am
Dear S,
The intensity of this poem is deeply felt. I can really appreciate the feel of the room and its occupants and more importantly the pulse of why everyone is there. You have an amazing talent for creating an image and showing your reader what’s happening. Terrific piece. H🌷
The intensity of this poem is deeply felt. I can really appreciate the feel of the room and its occupants and more importantly the pulse of why everyone is there. You have an amazing talent for creating an image and showing your reader what’s happening. Terrific piece. H🌷
H,
Awe thank you so much I’m glad it translated well. I’ve read some of your work and I think you’re really talented. Having positive criticism of my work is helping me have confidence in what I’m creating and makes me want to share more. Thank you so much for reading and for responding!!
-S
Awe thank you so much I’m glad it translated well. I’ve read some of your work and I think you’re really talented. Having positive criticism of my work is helping me have confidence in what I’m creating and makes me want to share more. Thank you so much for reading and for responding!!
-S
17th Mar 2022 1:42pm
Hey there. Welcome to DU.
I found that this was a very touching observation of life at its most amplified. The narrative is really strong and makes us feel like we are there in that room with them.
Thank you for sharing this.
-M
I found that this was a very touching observation of life at its most amplified. The narrative is really strong and makes us feel like we are there in that room with them.
Thank you for sharing this.
-M
17th Mar 2022 9:40pm
Hello! I’m super excited to join the DU community, it seems like a great place to start publishing and getting feed back, I’ve read some of your work and I’m so glad you read my piece. I’m glad my idea got across well and appreciate the comment. Thank you for reading and responding
-S
-S
17th Mar 2022 10:43pm
I like the little details you add to give this the realism, so the reader can sit down there and observe too. And observe you through your words.
The thing with these conferences, is that there is a crowd of twenty people completely alone in their heads, looking for an opening to step out. If the pathway is welcoming enough.
Writing is therapy, and a pathway to help you step out. Keep that door open. Or, like me, at least a window.
Welcome to the therapy circle here. It's 24/7 too !!!
The thing with these conferences, is that there is a crowd of twenty people completely alone in their heads, looking for an opening to step out. If the pathway is welcoming enough.
Writing is therapy, and a pathway to help you step out. Keep that door open. Or, like me, at least a window.
Welcome to the therapy circle here. It's 24/7 too !!!
18th Mar 2022 8:12am
I find the concept of the afterlife to be most fascinating.
Your treatment of the subject played out in the mind's eye
in a most vivid way...
Leaving room for philosophical ponderings.
Very nicely done.
Your treatment of the subject played out in the mind's eye
in a most vivid way...
Leaving room for philosophical ponderings.
Very nicely done.
