Being married

 

Monday I watched you
shift across the room
unaware of me, oblivious
to how I love you,
to how she loves you,
to how much we try
not to grow wings.
I called the window specialists,
emailed the counsellor,
made another roast,
painted a wall,
anything to just stay
where we're headed,
unnoticed
but fuck
we've been working
back to back so long,
trying to side step
the first mental health hit
in your life -
having a child
and me, there
in the wake,
boiling with rage.
I and she were treated
as an enemy.
And there were liberties taken
to ensure you were
well enough to function,
liberties that disregarded,
without noticing,
that I was becoming
unable to function
carrying it all,
affectionlessly,
emotionally stung
so yes,
I want to leave on Mondays,
I want to bolt and break free
of something so dependent
on my well health
to make it all continue
to go
but I don't though,
see,
everyone is capable of change,
and I promised myself
to your left side,
I didn't take that on lightly,
I did it when you were
your most ill,
I know who you are
at your worst,
I'm still here.