Downer

I've become a downer these days
At a job where I'm supposed to smile.  
Some days I only see the world  
With a sense of magic and awe  
When I get a glimpse  
Through my daughter's eyes
 
A sense of adventure  
Has become one of caution  
And high alert,
Always restless.  
I draw lines to connect dots  
In the shattered expressions  
Of stranger's eyes
As if I could see their armor  
And entanglements
From battling the devil.  
 
I see demons riding  
Their coattails,
And I swear  
That I've known their names  
As their voices  
Leak through conversation
Like children  
Peeking through curtains.  

I keep my fists ready,
Even though my knuckles
Might break and bruise.
Feeling so small
And insignificant
Leaves a feeling
Of being at war with the world.
It's hard to trust someone else
When I don't even trust myself.
Shut down
Shut down