somewhere between madness and death

 

1979

sitting by myself in
a dorm room,

getting high
again.

that sad,
unmistakable
feeling of being
invincible to
consequences,

the consequences
mounting up;

stealing
money,

abandoning
friends and
family,

failing grades.

my only companion
the pulse of blood
moving thru my
wrist.

too sick to care,

trapped somewhere
between madness
and death,

waiting for the
last swallow of
life to drain me

cursing man,
cursing God,
cursing myself.

planning, plotting
where to get the
next hit even before
I've finished this
round,

manipulation an
art form,
considering the
feelings of others
an enemy.

choices ripped from
the brain like mouse
guts by a
cat,

you take the
drug,

the drug takes
you,

you become the
drug.

promised myself
I'd never do this
again...

I
lied.