Read it and weep

Life feels endless right now...
Like I'm drowning and i can't swim to the top to get out.
Like being stuck in your head feeling like your caged with no way to think of an actual way to get out.
They say keep striving keep reacting for the top of your goals.
But it's so fucking hard when your the one paying the toll.
Your feelings go uneven your head starts to ponder your mind won't stop wondering and your heart still keeps beating the same fast paste even when your trying to calm yourself down you start to over think again and again it keeps making your heart pound. Even harder then before as you cry trying to collect or keep track of your score. You just get knocked back down. On your knees you will sit, till happiness oneday will fit. Right when you need it the most God comes in and you meet a new host. So answer me this, why the fuck does life like this feel like a movie of a mental illness. Why is it that when it's all said and done the screen goes off into a new one. Do we count the days we're here or do we count the days we miss death, riddle me this.