Free as it gets

 Looking back now I think it’s funny,
how I thought having unlimited money
would somehow
magically remove the things
that muddy my mind..

Really just another distraction,
maybe I thought the stress would just
disappear along with the
shame sorrow and fears i continue to hold
so close
so scared to let go..

Funny how now that I have
all the time in the world
and all the money I could’ve ever wanted
and the ability to be as free as it gets,
I still manage to waste this opportunity
and privilege..

I’ve driven a wedge between parts of my psyche..
a war within, me vs myself
only I stand in my way,
Yes I understand this.
Yet take no steps to change this
so here I stand
shameless in letting my guard down,
in letting my self inflicted scars wear me out..
Aimlessly I roam in doubt
feeling caught in some creative and love drought,
an absence of ambition
no goals no personal mission..
No path to be pursued,
I only laugh in the midst of this
misery and mystery I witness and induce..

I don’t want to keep letting this life go to waste,
I’m beginning to awaken, attempting to retain
awareness and maintain some saneness.