deepundergroundpoetry.com
sometimes, just a dog
I’d like to write
of grand and intellectual things
but while I’m working up the brains
I’ll say that sometimes just a dog
is quite enough for me
to see the beauty
in the world
more than the Taj Mahal
or sunsets on
the desert floor
just a ball of teeth and fluff
arranged on a pillow
and posing with black little eyes
probably thinking of food
of grand and intellectual things
but while I’m working up the brains
I’ll say that sometimes just a dog
is quite enough for me
to see the beauty
in the world
more than the Taj Mahal
or sunsets on
the desert floor
just a ball of teeth and fluff
arranged on a pillow
and posing with black little eyes
probably thinking of food
Published 20th Aug 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 6
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The author encourages honest critique.
20th Aug 2021 10:03pm
21st Aug 2021 1:03am
dearest Jack your way of seeing things makes me smile
I love the way you've written this it sounds like you
I'm happy when I see your name in updates
I know I will be good...
I love the way you've written this it sounds like you
I'm happy when I see your name in updates
I know I will be good...
21st Aug 2021 1:14am
Anonymous
21st Aug 2021 7:52am
I like the casual occasion of the poem, which comes across as a bit of wholesome, aw shucks Americana; and the last stanza, the quatrain--
It's quite haunting how you reduce a lapdog to just a few essential parts, and the black eyes...it's an arresting, and to this reader, a haunting image.
If It were mine, I'd keep working on this, and attempt to dig a bit deeper into the self-deprecating tone of the 1st half, and possibly the haunting, reductionist image of the dog.
There's a certain energy in this, and I'd want to get closer to its source.
Liked!
It's quite haunting how you reduce a lapdog to just a few essential parts, and the black eyes...it's an arresting, and to this reader, a haunting image.
If It were mine, I'd keep working on this, and attempt to dig a bit deeper into the self-deprecating tone of the 1st half, and possibly the haunting, reductionist image of the dog.
There's a certain energy in this, and I'd want to get closer to its source.
Liked!
21st Aug 2021 9:34am
Thank you very much for your kind and thoughtful critique, though I’m not sure about the Americana you’re seeing! (I’m very British haha.)
Anonymous
22nd Aug 2021 00:32am
I guess the description of the dog reminded me a bit of the way Eliot could reduce the description of a person to a few disembodied bits, in particular in the Sweeney poems. This, from "Sweeney Erect":
Morning stirs the feet and hands
(Nausicaa and Polypheme),
Gesture of orang-outang
Rises from the sheets in steam.
This withered root of knots of hair
Slitted below and gashed with eyes,
This oval O cropped out with teeth:
The sickle motion from the thighs
Jackknifes upward at the knees
Then straightens out from heel to hip
Pushing the framework of the bed
And clawing at the pillow slip.
In particular, the way Eliot reduces the woman on the bed to "knots of hair / slitted below and gashed with eyes, / This oval O cropped out with teeth"--He reduces the description to a few essential bits, and that's what the description of the dog reminded me of--a bit haunting. The Irish painter, Francis Bacon, had a similar habit--in his paintings the figures are often reduced to what he called a kind of visual shorthand, the essential characteristics.
Morning stirs the feet and hands
(Nausicaa and Polypheme),
Gesture of orang-outang
Rises from the sheets in steam.
This withered root of knots of hair
Slitted below and gashed with eyes,
This oval O cropped out with teeth:
The sickle motion from the thighs
Jackknifes upward at the knees
Then straightens out from heel to hip
Pushing the framework of the bed
And clawing at the pillow slip.
In particular, the way Eliot reduces the woman on the bed to "knots of hair / slitted below and gashed with eyes, / This oval O cropped out with teeth"--He reduces the description to a few essential bits, and that's what the description of the dog reminded me of--a bit haunting. The Irish painter, Francis Bacon, had a similar habit--in his paintings the figures are often reduced to what he called a kind of visual shorthand, the essential characteristics.
