Self Therapy Love Song Number Two

I keep thinking about you.

All I know is that
You're not here right now.
Right now I'm somewhere else,
Away from you.
Without you.

I'm supposed to be living my life.
I'm trying.
I showered today, got dressed.
Went to visit my daughter.

I'm here with her now,
But my mind is with you.

And I wonder,
Do you miss me at all right now?
Do you even think about me?

I feel bored. Alone.
Because I'm not with you.
Life seems colorless
Without you in it.

I never thought I would
Commit another fixation.

Because that's what this must be.
Not love, but a fixation.

II.

I'm about to come home to you.

Home.

Is that what you are to me?

I'm scared. Scared of you.
Of the power you have over me.

So when will I finally say enough?

When will I tell you to leave?

I don't want to hurt you.

I want you to be okay.

I want you to have somewhere to go.

III.

I'm sitting across from you now.

But today you're not talking.

Not walking over to kiss me.

Sometimes I think you only
Seduce me when you're drunk.

So what does that mean?

I have to figure this out.
I won't stop until I do.

Because if I don't figure this out
You will eat me alive
And there will be nothing left of me.

I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised
To know I had critical, abusive
Father figures.

I always craved male attention.

I always craved to be loved.

Maybe someday I'll figure out
What I crave from you.

Yes.
I'm working through this obsession.
It's all I have the power to do.