deepundergroundpoetry.com
The singing sun
the singing sun
written December 9th, 2020
the sun sings to me
of sweet shoots and stems
while darkness dictates descriptions
of decay and disintegration
i have spent lifetimes
concealed in the dark
now i want to walk
from the darkness
into the singing sun.
written December 9th, 2020
the sun sings to me
of sweet shoots and stems
while darkness dictates descriptions
of decay and disintegration
i have spent lifetimes
concealed in the dark
now i want to walk
from the darkness
into the singing sun.
Published 29th May 2021
Author's Note
It is really rewarding to sort through older poems as I start to post here. I love this one! Those precious voices from our own pasts. Also the alliteration was fun. I learn poetry by trying different things.
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likes 5
reading list entries 3
comments 5
reads 329
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th May 2021 9:38pm
Beautiful little piece of enlightenment. We first must recognize where we are, and by virtue of experience, what it is we do not want before knowing what it is that we do desire. Your alliteration in S1 & 2 is off the charts good.
To honor your request for Honest Critique, I think you could lose L2 from S5, and make the entire piece a couplet form. Your previous couplet in regards to spending lifetimes in the dark implies you're already there; thus, "from the darkness" is redundant, imho.
To honor your request for Honest Critique, I think you could lose L2 from S5, and make the entire piece a couplet form. Your previous couplet in regards to spending lifetimes in the dark implies you're already there; thus, "from the darkness" is redundant, imho.
29th May 2021 10:06pm
And my mind is blown! I always say I want to be a better poet, and this does make more sense. I'm obviously not a very formal poet, but sometimes I do look at symmetry and number of lines in stanzas. This does improve the poem and makes me see the poem anew at the end there. Sometimes I get so tired when I'm writing, that I end up just posting. Thank you for the suggestion!
29th May 2021 10:56pm
30th May 2021 00:26am
2nd Jun 2021 6:21pm
