Your Excuses Are Over

"a liquid embrace,
To chase the day away."*

Such significance-
A sacrifice of time-
Of a life ago that's hard to piece together-

It's prolific in,
Who the hell i am-
A culmination of the greatest pain and pleasure-

My own bubble that i had to burst-
Through the grime and the dirt-
To find a way to build my worth-
And fight through the hurt-

A lasting stain upon my page-
A pain i'll take into my grave-
Calmly holding back the rage-
Unnatural and strange-

Could not be saved-
From myself-
Could not be saved-
Didn't ask for help-
Carried all the blame-
Into fractured mental health-
As if simply destined to change-
A fate to hold this guilt-

Ink and blood spilled-
Cold emotions-
Evolved from constant thrill-
Feelings to fill, fillings to kill-

Finding that balance-
Losing at the challenge-
Coping just to manage-
All my damage-

Shit. Goddamn it.

But i damn the divine-
For wasting of my own time-
For squandering my mind-
Damn the god-

Until you realize the god is me-
In everything i see-
I read-
I breathe-
In everything i do believe-
Unrepentantly-

Compromise of my soul-
For some semblance of control-
No way to go-
They'll even forget my name on my own headstone-

And all I'm doing is looking back-
At the pieces that i now understand-
Oh fuck, all the blame i see is me-
For my disease-

Trying to release the tormented version of my dreams.
Deceased, without peace.

Bonded in that brotherhood-
For not alone-
Family of the hood-
On streets we roamed-
Mischief and no good-
Decade without a home-
The few that understood-
Seem gone, i could be wrong-

Still fighting for the growth,
From where i fell off'
Still clawing to the bone,
From the time i lost-
Born of that low life-
Spores of the fungal-
Lost my appetite-
But that's the struggle-

Realizing no one can take me away from me-
From all i breathe-
From all i see-
From what you read-
Self centered plea-

Looking around and starting to see the truth-
I took abuse-
Straight from you-
Through tongue and tooth-
It tied the noose,
And now it lifts me up-

So when i say done,
I'm vindicated-
All the complications from my constant contemplations-
And when i say the end,
I'm justified-
And then maybe you'll finally realize your own goddamn fuckin' lies

My truth
Fuck you

*Lamb of God - 11th Hour - As The Palaces Burn