Here

I hear…go away…no way…not for you…don’t come back.
I stay…
Bodies distorted…twisted…minds in others places…eyes not seeing…tongues not working…grunts not words…spasms…smells beyond description.
I do come back…and again.
I am here.
Help with words…and with deeds…help with feeding…help with dressing…help with undressing…help with pisss…help with shit…doesn’t matter.
I am here.
Friends made…friends lost…friends lost forever…things change…new faces…things stay the same…same faces…friends move on…old friends return.
Venture out…slow at first…more and more…stay close to home…zoo out back….monkey throwing feces…kids dodging…some not so well…new clothes.
Venture out more…saturday night live… grease…one on one…museum and aquarium…golden gate park…chinatown…own the city…ride the buses…stretch the distance…oakland.
Saturday comes.
Hello sunshine girls.
Dance, dance, dance…alone and with others…dance with boys and girls…no one cares…who cares…dance until weak…head thrown back…see the rafters of the gym…spin out of control.
Aids is here…many leave and don’t return…moods change…too many gone to remember…too many tears…don’t know why.
I am still here..
Sunshine girls still here.
Roy cook still here.
Serena lily still here.
Need to stay here.
Move on…hard to do…hello boy scouts…can’t be done…shouldn’t be done…will be done…mandatory volunteer…canoe in the pool…life jackets…camping out back…set up tents…learn to cook…learn to cook outside…mucho s’mores.
Jubilee...for fun…not so fast…big competition…didn’t know…didn’t tell…not ready…not fair…think they care…they do not…laughing at the differences.
What the hell.
We are here.
Wrestling competition…hello boy scouts…meet roy cook…can’t move roy cook…three hundred pounds plus…good luck…wins it all…blue ribbon boy…smiles the whole time…
Blindfolded smell test…hello boy scouts…meet ivan de la roach…blind since birth…no smell he can’t identify…wins it all…blue ribbon boy…smiles the whole time.
Hold your breath underwater contest…hello boy scouts…meet kevin sells…sits on the bottom of the pool for hours…competition long over…still on the bottom…blue ribbon boy…wet smiles the whole time.
Win it all…spout fairness doctrine…specialists… go to hell… their rules…came out on top…blue ribbons streaming from flagpole…no return invite.…best camping trip ever.
We were there.
They knew it.
Time to go…move along…please no…must go…new love…new life…never look back…look back…always look back…
I am here.
I am always here.