deepundergroundpoetry.com
forced perspective
from my knees
the night looms large
and you stand above,
mighty and in charge
you place your hand upon my chin,
thumb penetrates my lips and grin
you brush against my teeth and tongue
bright moon above, the night is young
caught fumbling amid the maze
of belt and buckle, you tilt my head
to meet your gaze --
hungry eyes stare expectantly
the night looms large
and you stand above,
mighty and in charge
you place your hand upon my chin,
thumb penetrates my lips and grin
you brush against my teeth and tongue
bright moon above, the night is young
caught fumbling amid the maze
of belt and buckle, you tilt my head
to meet your gaze --
hungry eyes stare expectantly
Published 2nd May 2021
Author's Note
this was supposed to be sensual but it ends rather abruptly and it's all over the place
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 8
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd May 2021 7:10pm
Some things do end abruptly... as is life.
I appreciate that real honesty... the sensuality was undeniable.... as well as a tinge of anticipation... I agree, it could have taken on another stanza or two , sure .. but I definitely like the 'tease' of how it ended, as well ... ;)
Ty for sharing - 🌹
-B
I appreciate that real honesty... the sensuality was undeniable.... as well as a tinge of anticipation... I agree, it could have taken on another stanza or two , sure .. but I definitely like the 'tease' of how it ended, as well ... ;)
Ty for sharing - 🌹
-B
2nd May 2021 7:33pm
2nd May 2021 7:42pm
Agree with my dear friend B ... it could be longer ... but the abrupt ending also jolts the reader ... a trick I sometimes use is to add a space before the last line ... orphaning it ... that adds a dramatic effect ... makes the reader/listener pay more attention to what the final line says ... like a poetic deep breath ... nice write ...
2nd May 2021 7:50pm
Anonymous
- Edited 3rd May 2021 7:24pm
3rd May 2021 7:20pm
I Think it is Just fine the way it is; As Young Love; is speaks to it's youthful Sensuality that comes abrupt in it's way at times. Sometimes Raw material is better then the tweak; albeit that will come and we will miss that which is raw, so enjoy it while you may; Because young adults grow up. Stay as Young As long as you Can Emily; Great Job!
3rd May 2021 10:00pm
24th Feb 2022 2:35pm
24th Feb 2022 6:18pm
