How to pray

I wonder if the church has ruined prayer;
made it a formula that has to be learned
a series of acceptable utterances
to be recalled through mnemonics
like
Adoration
  Confession
   Thanksgiving
      Supplication
or some other series of compulsory components
counted on five fingers…

Every prayer an exam,
testing one’s memory of essential elements
But really only ever testing
the ability to stay awake while keeping still
--a test I always failed.

I gave up those prayers
for conversations
while walking, running, climbing,
Moving through the created world
experiencing beauty
noticing abundance
even relinquishing words
to make space for spirit

None of the “lessons” I learned about prayer
ever resulted in the absolute peace
of being held by a tree
in high winds
knowing I belong
and won’t be dropped