'to be' or "not to be" is NOT my question

Does imagination ever turn into authenticity?
a question that floats in my mind constantly,
only because I am sitting here waiting
for the arrival of my dreams attainment
my virtue of patience slowly dissipating
while i slowly become deranged
and the waiting has made me petulant
everything gets me pissed
so what does that mean?
should i cease and desist?

but then,
wouldn't that make me a quitter?
this is almost always the question that follows the first one,
its a shame that when one is on the brink of insanity
you'd think the mind would become chaotic,
but... i seem to be contradictory,
my thoughts have become so routine,
and i know...
there is no denying
i AM slowly
going
crazy,
but my methodical thinking may throw a professional off balance...

but anyway,
sometimes i feel my mind swelling and throbbing,
it's bullshit inflating the center of my nervous system,
they say,
there is fact and then there is fiction
but I've noticed
that in certain instance they cant be distinguished...
see... it is these loopholes in that thing called
understanding
that makes me think and think about things that lack
substance
and that's the shit that confuses me and makes me crazy
that's the shit that makes my expectations
turn to sinister
when there were initially sanguine
how am I supposed to know if dreams come true
when i am sitting here waiting
maybe in vain...
only because I am anxious and need some type of proof that a dream isn't a dream
but really some type of postponed deja-vu

how the hell am I supposed to know?
how long must I wait?
somewhere over the rainbow!!!
where the f*ck is it???!!!
oh pot of gold!!! I give up...
I went lookin'; couldn't find the shit.
Okay
S I AM crazy, cause there goes that thing I was telling you about
distinguishing fact from fiction.

sorry... I had a moment there
promise not to use the F word again.

but listen
there is this thing called destiny
which basically means, no matter how hard I try
to succeed and fulfill my mental desires
now matter how long I wait
if that shit ain't meant to be,
its over...
nothing i want will take place
except for what is fated,
this saddens me,
I could be wasting my life away
making needless effort
because regardless of what I do
everything has been previously laid out
a puppet
in this magnificent play
called the land of the living
or opportunity??
Idk, the land of something.

but then,
suppose my wishes are destined to be granted,
the next question would be.... when??
doesn't matter, Ill still be here waiting.
keep playing lifes' little game
she'll eventually give up,
give me what I crave,
even though sometimes I have no idea what it is....
see crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,
so opinionated about a vision that is still blurry.
That would be me,
sitting here waiting,
for the thing I want
though I have an idea,,,,
I just don't know EXACTLY what it is..