deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sick
Stuck in the corner of this bare room,
nauseous and trying to breathe without moving.
Sick with my own disease,
too much of me
and not enough of anyone else.
My head pounds,
I've been staring at this screen
for too God-damned long—
and only He knows when I'll quit.
Quit what? Take your pick...
Self-sabotaging? Leaving her?
Dosing myself with this disease?
One thing's for sure. I'm beginning to lose
the line between whether I should stop
dropping myself to the concrete
or stop picking myself up after.
nauseous and trying to breathe without moving.
Sick with my own disease,
too much of me
and not enough of anyone else.
My head pounds,
I've been staring at this screen
for too God-damned long—
and only He knows when I'll quit.
Quit what? Take your pick...
Self-sabotaging? Leaving her?
Dosing myself with this disease?
One thing's for sure. I'm beginning to lose
the line between whether I should stop
dropping myself to the concrete
or stop picking myself up after.
Published 9th Feb 2012
| Edited 12th Feb 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 9
reads 895
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
11th Feb 2012 5:16am
'I'm beginning to lose
the line between whether I should stop
dropping myself to the concrete
or stop picking myself up after.'
those lines really stood out to me and i feel like they'd be a nice little poem on their own. not that the rest of the poem isn't good, i just thought those lines had a little more weight to them. but i suppose that's fitting for the last stanza. :]
the line between whether I should stop
dropping myself to the concrete
or stop picking myself up after.'
those lines really stood out to me and i feel like they'd be a nice little poem on their own. not that the rest of the poem isn't good, i just thought those lines had a little more weight to them. but i suppose that's fitting for the last stanza. :]
11th Feb 2012 6:22am
Haha, there's never a need to qualify your opinions. As it so happens, that was the last bit I wrote. This piece has sat half-written on the drawing board for the better part of a year. Thanks for reading/commenting.
11th Feb 2012 8:59am
that line...is what's between existential/nihilism.
I appreciate this work. Keep it up...and keep picking yourself up.
I appreciate this work. Keep it up...and keep picking yourself up.
12th Feb 2012 6:34pm
12th Feb 2012 4:50pm
Mike
This is quite a potent write and
I am glad that it ressurected
itself after that long.
The voice is uniform and robust.
The last two lines sum it up well,
in fact the last stanza is memorable.
Well done.
respect,
S'
p.s-I am still confused about 'breath'.
The ver has an 'e' in the end. But then
am not sure of the American variant. Just
me. :)
This is quite a potent write and
I am glad that it ressurected
itself after that long.
The voice is uniform and robust.
The last two lines sum it up well,
in fact the last stanza is memorable.
Well done.
respect,
S'
p.s-I am still confused about 'breath'.
The ver has an 'e' in the end. But then
am not sure of the American variant. Just
me. :)
12th Feb 2012 6:35pm
Anonymous
- Edited 28th Jan 2019 8:46am
13th Feb 2012 2:12pm
<< post removed >>
13th Feb 2012 10:24pm
Thanks for the feedback, glad you found it relatable--I sometimes consider that one of the more important measures of the success of a piece.
28th Feb 2012 11:41pm
