Tuesday Fairytale

So now is for the day I felt every horrible emotion
Trying to be strong was the only sane devotion
Praying for saving, screaming for an answer
These are the effects of an evil deadly cancer
Looking to the heavens I felt like I was dying
Guidance and relief, God was simply not providing
My sight had been tainted, I was lost inside my brain
Helplessness swarmed, his name I yelled in vain
The guilt wouldn't wash off, so I'd lather, rinse, repeat
Anxiety rushed over like a race forced to compete
How did it start, my recollection, an abrupt waking
How does it end, my fear, this soul breaking
Have you seen death, I hear it's all around
I think it's different when it's a loved one on the ground
Funerals I've been to and found mourning behind the curtain
But a casket for some reason, makes it normal, I'm certain
The sight has been cleaned up, the scene, it's been made
It's quiet and peaceful, a person at rest is how it's played
What really happened has already been washed away
Ugly truth has been hidden, so in people's minds it won't stay
My experience is different, the sight I have seen
Raw and unedited, I still see it when I dream
I've stood at the feet, stared in the eyes of death
Screamed and cried, shook him, for one last breath
Tried to get him up, save his life, I was too late
It'll go down in the books, that day, the date
As the time I stood still, neglecting what I knew
Of waiting too long, till there was nothing I could do
Comfort has been offered, an escape from the shame
I'm honest with myself, I do hold some blame
He made the choice, he made the call
Here's a hard truth, I could have changed it all
So there is the facts, the what is and what was
The complicated effects of what suicide does
The should a, could a, would a, in full detail
There you have it, my Tuesday Fairytale