The Stuff Inside...Trigger Warning.

He left school at 16 and joined the Army, the previous years at home he would rather forget...He had 2 alcoholic parents so as a kid things began badly and got steadily worse, the early years were violent and he remembers being beaten with yard brushes, had a china mug smashed in his face as a 6 yr old...His 3 elder brothers had left home and were already married by this time and knew little about what was happening at home and the horrors that followed....His father was missing for weeks at a time as he went on drinking binges and slept rough, on one occasion he woke choking to find his father leaning over him strangling him trying to kill him, if it waasn't for his size and strength even at that young age and a well aimed kick he wouldn't be here to write this.. his mother hit the booze at home and after work whilst he was a latch key kid.....When he was 10 his father died of a heart attack and then things got really bad....His mother switched her attentions to him and from 10 till 14 she abused him mentally, physically and sexually ....He was admitted to hospital with 90% chemical burns to his back where caustic soda had been poured onto him by his mother, she electrocuted him with wires running from the light sockets and would smash the house up on a weekly basis leaving him to clean it up, she did however break 3 of her fingers punching him in the face which he always found funny.. his mates knew she was crazy and an alcoholic but they had no idea of what was going on behind closed doors. Her jealousy was such that she would seek out where he was and then attack the property of his friends, he took to sleeping on the school roof with his friends while his mother prowled beneath where he was hiding out....There were numerous suicide attempts from his mother including throwing herself from a moving car and walking out in front of a bus which hit her and almost killed her....She would bring men back home then shout him out of bed and when he came downstairs he would find her naked having sex on the floor, his arm was broken by her smashing it in the door, how the hospital and doctors failed to connect the dots he has no idea, no childline in those days though....It got so bad that one xmas he was bought a Joinery set by his brother Trevor, a strange gift he thought but it was a night time boon as he used it to bar himself into his bedroom by screwing the door shut to stop her coming in drunk and abusing him, the moment he was 16 he joined up and got the hell out of there ......lived in barracks in Aldershot to start with then moved around over the next five years, went to Germany, Belfast and Gibraltar....all fairly uneventful.......yeah right , came out of the Army after 5 years and moved back to his home town......enrolled into college and did a city and guilds in Joinery and Carpentry (A leftover from his brothers xmas gift).....passed with distinction which is still something he is proud of.........set up a business with a mate and worked on nightclubs owned by Frank Foo Foo Lamar and others owned by Bernard Manning....Mostly around the North west and Wales....met and married a girl called Jackie and in 1988 had his eldest daughter.....at that time he had stopped the joinery and had opened a pet shop and was importing birds from abroad.....loved doing that and was pretty much settled...3 years later in 1991 a second daughter came along.....still owned the pet shop which was doing really well......so he had a business, two kids who he loves to bits.........and then the crap hit the fan.......1992 and his wife went into hospital for a routine operation........when she came out she had caught an infection which slowly affected her bones over the next few years........he had to sell the business in 1993 to be a full time carer for his wife.......he had two kids to bring up virtually single handed, a wife to look after and a home to run.......over the next few years her condition worsened with the illness affecting her spine and most other bones too....She required 24 hours a day care so that’s what he did.......got the kids into school and spent his time driving to and from doctors and hospitals , shopping, cleaning the usual stuff.......by the time his eldest daughter Nikki was 14 she was out of mainstream education due to bullying and her starting to self harm......so he taught her at home himself.......this was followed by his youngest daughter also being home taught from the age of 12......by this time he had left Rochdale and moved a few miles up the road to Oldham......his wife by this time was pretty much stable but still unable to do normal stuff you might say.......then her father had a massive stroke and came to live with us.......now there were two sick people to look after and the workload doubled.......the kids were really good and helpful...........the two of them mucked in with all the chores and the looking after stuff......then as Nikki had her 15th birthday the truth emerged......a chance remark from one of his wife’s friends and hey presto the truth spilled out........whilst working in the pet shop for two years and a further year after he sold it to care for her she had been having an affair with a family friend.......he found out about this in 2003 and the marriage died there and then.....he had a choice.......move out and take the kids, that was a non starter because the kids didn’t want to leave a sick mother......move out on his own.......this also was a no no because he couldn’t leave two kids to cope with his wife’s illness......so he stayed and did his job........in a dead marriage.......in separate parts of the house still teaching his kids at home, still doing the caring for his wife and father in law...he told everyone face to face that as soon as his youngest daughter reached 18 he would be leaving.......so he stayed and was alone from then on.........In the end the stress all got too much, looking after 2 kids 2 adults and running a home whilst still trying to work through the childhood stuff all became to much and he had a complete meltdown, his mental health just imploded and he had always self harmed although never in a way anyone could see, no cutting of the arms but lots of cutting and burning of the legs and chest areas, he didn't want it advertising and it did and still does help to dissipate the anger that flares up when stressed and anxious.....So he stays indoors, he paints and writes and keeps himself safe....After the break up he didn’t really have the time or the inclination to get serious about anyone.......then in 2006 he met someone online, she was from Yorkshire and they started a relationship, he told both his kids and his estranged wife what was happening and the kids were fine with it as they both knew all that had gone before....He first spoke to Eth in 2006 but they did not meet face to face till 2007........They had grown incredibly close over the previous year without ever seeing eachother , but when they met everything just clicked..........He was still at home, kids all taught and now  in college... for the first time in years he was happy.......He gave himself completely to her, but he was lied to and used to fix a broken relationship ...She lied and lied,  and after 12 months it ended.......He was devestated and it almost killed him,   he resolved to never get involved with anyone again....Finding it hard to trust anyone after what first his wife and then Eth had done........not long after his youngest daughters 18th  in January 2009 he moved out and got his own place........Divorce followed and since then he has lived alone and got on with his life.........both kids are well and happy and he sees them regularly......their mother is still ill but seems to cope remarkably well on her own........ He has started writing again which is something not even contemplated in the past few years.... it’s not easy writing this stuff down but better out than in as they say........He is a bit of a romantic at heart and thinks that women should be treated with respect and love......He is not religious although he has studied different faiths, some quite funny stories about that... ....The biggest loves of his life are his 2 girls, his Doggo....His football club and his music, he loves art and paints in all mediums, but only when the mood takes him ( artistic temprament ).........The youngest of 4 brothers who had all left home by the time he was born, left school with the equivalent of seven O levels .Loves antiques and buys and sells constantly, used to buy at auctions but now just online... loves the reaction on peoples faces when they see him and find out he paints and writes....This 6 ft ex squaddie who doesn’t fit the stereotypical box that people like to put others in...He is into Genealogy in a big way at the moment, and is researching his ancestry.....He loves reading, especially horror...And putting his feet up with a good movie ......His fave food is Indian, fave holidays were North Africa and Dominican, worst holidays were in Turkey........He now rarely leaves his home and lives his life online, spends his time with his dog and his vinyl collection and doesn't trust many people, doesn't suffer fools and is distrustful of authority...There is much more but some of it is to graphic to put here and much of it is locked in a metal chest, chained and bolted in a metal vault on it's metal train which runs on silvered rails around his head in a continuous never ending loop............All aboard.