im not good

today is just another reminder
being reminded of a lot of mistakes in life
even when I was a minor
I know I have to continue and strife

I have many secrets in my closet
when I do bad I just want to forget and act as nothing happened
I'm just being honest
it's worse what you can imagined

I have lost my virginity to an older guy at seventeen that I didn't know well
I have snuck out at night
this feels like hell
so many inner demons I have to fight

I've always been alone hiding secrets dealing with pain on my own
I have been in really dark places multiple times I have a problem
now I'm grown
here comes boredom

usually to feel anything I would mess around with different people
is a bad thing that occurs in me maybe it's because of a past trauma
maybe to stop myself I need a sleeping pill
tried of so much drama

 like it's in my blood
there was ever one person I ever loved that made me stable
I have been dragged through the mud
till I wasn't couldn't fight it wasn't able

I try to be good I think I am for the most part
but then the urge comes that wants me to do bad
I do have a good heart
which makes me so sad

but I'm also bad when I'm really mad
I'm in between I can go either way
all things I have done I'm not glad
i think its best if i keep myself at bay